sorry for emotionalposting

i recently realized something.

i don’t have a home.
you’d think that’s the first thing immigrants feel in a new country, but it took me three years to get to this point. and even then, immigrants usually have the option to go back if they can’t deal with it anymore. for war refugees it’s different, sure, but still there’s hope to return once the war ends. i don’t have that option.

there are two reasons for that:
first, i’m fully aware of all the benefits of living in norway and i appreciate them — at the very least, that’s why i’m not rushing to return to the post-war economic shitshow that is ukraine.
second — and this is more interesting — even if i wanted to, i couldn’t. i literally can’t speak the language i’ve spoken all my life there. and i love russian language. languages have nothing to do with politics.
as ridiculous as it might sound, purely from a cultural point of view, russia is a very tempting option. i even have people there waiting for me. but i don’t have the resources — or maybe just don’t want to spend them — on making compromises with my conscience, political situation there is not better ofc. I really don't llike militaristic tendencies nor russias or ukraines. 

so what i don't like about norway?

where the fuck are all the niche hobby clubs? free lectures in cultural centers? concerts or raves with music i actually care about?
i can’t even make use of my translation skills here — who the hell needs russian or ukrainian in this place?
basically, it’s the usual bioissue, the kind i only started to feel a need for at 21.
i would repeat myselfб i deeply appreciate what norway done for me, i am able to receive an education. i just know that if i lived in, for example st. petersburg i would feel like home, as absurd as it may sound from ukrainian. like come on there are orchestral of dark souls ost, breakcore raves, the undescribable poetic atmosphere with like minded people (i can't describe that one really). 

and lol do i even need to say how aware am i how hard it is to understand what i mean given the dualist political tendencies, where one is either strictly pro-ukrainian or pro-russian. 

кароче вывод: в норвегии одни нормисы.