only EWEWEWGETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAY kids will remember!

(cw; slight mentions of bugs, a type of parasitism, and filth)

cleanliness. ahh, so serene. don't you love just scrubbing all the grimy dirt away after a shower and scratching your skin and seeing nothing collected underneath your nails? it's just so refreshing to know you're clean. so clean. so so clean that you refrain from touching the walls surrounding the shower. those disgusting, gritty tiles that you swear you've seen things fucking crawl out of. you CAN'T touch the shower walls.

that moment where you're smelling the soap you used on yourself as steam fogs up the mirror is always so nice, too. it makes you feel so comforted to be so clear of ick and filth. at least on paper. remember when you would feel disgusting even thinking of having to go into the kitchen? the floors were almost as bad as those tiled walls. always had something skittering across them. something small that could easily hide itself from view. the kitchen was the worst possible room to be in.

the counters weren't any better. always oddly wet or having some miscellaneous bit of food that you dare not touch, as to not send your own nerves into shock. speaking of miscellaneous bits of food, god forbid you ever went near the sink or did dishes. anything but the dishes. perhaps your own, but no one else's--they all smelled and looked weird. you always held your breath opening the fridge, and even then that wouldn't do much, because you had to breathe at some point. and for the most part, it wasn't bad or gross to anyone else in the house but you. 

all of it would just make you love the concept of killing germs and being as far away from anything that spreads them as possible. you couldn't even wash your hands in the kitchen, it just made your hands feel grimy. like there were bits of food mixed into the soap you thought would make you feel safe in your skin again. there really weren't, but the feeling was near indescribable. if you could flood your house with bleach and Fabuloso and Comet and industrial cleaning supplies, you would. 

anything to feel clean. 

remember when she sat against the door to your room and told you how roaches spreaded disease and easily reproduced, despite the fact you kept saying you were uncomfortable and didn't want to hear that? you needed to know, she said. you do now and so you can't stop scratching yourself.

my skin itches.

remember when it was a generally mundane summer day and you were maybe three, and that fly that had probably been circling you for a moment dug into your ear? remember always hearing buzzing after that for some time? remember imagining a view of your head completely empty, save for the body of a dead fly? remember when you thought you had parasites inside you years after that, regardless of the fact you hadn't experienced any symptoms of Myiasis at all prior or heard any buzzing period? remember that? how could you forget?

I don't remember anything else.