I feel like im throwing my life away.

Not every day has to be productive, or a good day. But i fear that if i dont do more then i'll never be.

im stuck in this constant mud of feelings that no matter what i do, if its not 1000 times better than than the effort im inputting, i will never make it. theres this welt of never-ending pitifulness i feel for myself because im just not better. i feel like im stuck to the sidelines of people that were literally made to be successful. i feel stuck at the foundation of what im supposed to be carving out into my future. the chisle and hammer remain useless in my hands. this sense of un-accomplishment im plagued with makes it impossible to feel any sort of confidence in trying, embarrassed of my mediocre progress. im in my last year of school, i dont have a job, zero scholarships, zero connections. the only thing i have to show for these last few years are friendships i have trouble involving myself in any deeper than surface level. i want to do better, but i can bring my body to act. i feel stuck in a jar.