"THAT'S /MISTER/ F#GG0T TO YOU!"

(i can reclaim fag/faggot; i am a gay dude)

GOOD EVENING, SPACEHEY! i have risen from the slab once more... to deliver random anecdotes. OF DOOOM!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!! 

so, first off, happy pride month. if you hadn't heard it from me beforehand or realized, i'm queer as SHIT. i'm a gay gender non-conforming man, in the sense that i'm both trans and enby. i use a ton of microlabels but i don't really feeellll like posting them all here, and plus, i keep them mostly updated on a pinterest board rather than my old Pronouny or pronounspage. as of now, i'm very... identity-flux? my name and pronouns can just change at will sometimes, and is why i use a lot of different names (i just haven't told any of yall the rest of them.. huehuehue). despite that, the core of my identity is definitely man and well .. weird-enby-werewolf-zombie-science-experiment-fag. /hj

(yes, i have unironically went by Fiddlestein and continue to do so)

i discovered the concept of transgenderism at the ripe age of 12. while i was even younger, i really liked the idea of crossdressing without knowing what it was and practically idolized getting to wear a tux and a top hat one day. so far, i've worn both seperately :). i went down the lesbian-to-trans gay pipeline, as one can imagine--and it went something like so; 'cishet, cis + lesbian, bigender + lesbian, genderqueer + unlabled, transmasculine + unlabled, transmasc + gay [with added denial], and finally, transmasc + xenic + gay'. quarantine was really where my relationship with my queer identity really Peaked, as it was with many others. essentially, i discovered my nonhuman identity around then too! 

as a gay, black, and trans/gnc guy living in the deep south (god help us all), it's been a very.. interesting experience so far. and by interesting i mean filled with religious and traditional expectations as well as frustrating stereotypes and stigma. like, can you believe i constantly thought to myself "well, i'm going to hell when i die for being this way but maybe i'll grow out of it just early enough to repent" all through middle school? i'm vaguely non-religious as of right now and much happier. really, i have no problem with religious people as long as it isn't being used for hatred--i just never had a good experience with it through childhood, so it isn't for me thanks to that (thank you, mom and (grand)dad). 

this year, i'll finally be going to pride for the very first time with my doting husband. of course, my parents will be under the muse that i'm "going to the mall" and "need money specifically for the mall" and "not hiding 27 pride flags up my ass". i'm not sure what specific kind of makeup i'll be putting on, but once i'm in his parents' car, i'm absolutely going to be drawing stubble on my chin for the lack of testosterone in my body that makes it possible for me to have a stache/stubble. did i mention i was pre-T?

i may have mere peach fuzz where my manly teenage facial hair is supposed to be growing en masse as a side effect of puberty, but y'know what i also have? a shiny pink mascara brush. suck my (T)DICK puberty! but yes, i am in fact going the full nine yards whenever i get the money (and liberty--i need to get outta my parents' place!!!) to transition. top and bottom surgery, HRT, the works <3 except for facial reconstruction, maybe because i'm not too fond of the idea of an even more expensive surgery with a higher regret/botch rate. not to mention that even If i hate my face enough right now, i'm learnin to live with it, and plus--i've already gotten used to it?? why change now?

but yeah. happy pride month :-) if you too are going to pride, regardless of if it's your first time, stay safe, hydrated, and have fun; let the feeling of community and the pure joy of pride be your protest. <3