Random thoughts

Sometimes i wonder who i'd be and how i'd be without always having felt the need to escape or leave or isolate, i mean it's such an integral part of my being that I don't even think I'd recognize myself without it. It isss exhausting and daunting and so on but jesus, the thought of me sitting on a random park bench in portland oregon or something not wanting to leave... but actually feeling grounded? I think i'd like that, i don't think i know her? Not yet at least. But i think I'd like her a whole lot