I often...

I often find myself wanting to go to a place that doesn’t exist yet I have many memories of. An small island with a mansion attached to a light house. The mansion is nothing grand. It’s older. Rotted floor boards, tall, slim doors that seem like they were made for a tall man who once lived at the light house. There are four bedrooms and two baths. Two children’s rooms, one having two beds. The other having a cradle. The rooms themselves are massive but with very little furniture. A wardrobe and beds. Maybe a few toys here and there. A guest room that just has a bed and small closet. The master looks identical to the guest all except the long flowing curtains and large windows. Theres din light all throughout the house coming from candles and vintage wall lights. The light house itself is dirty but has a calmness to it. Anywhere you are you can hear the waves crashing against the rocks the building is built on. 


The memories of this place are not from the 2000’s. I’m not sure when. I just remember playing near the edge of the island and waiting for the weekly boat to come to drop off supplies. Every once in awhile I would go back into town on the boat and spend a day in the mainland with my mother. I know I was 16 at the time. Just starting to get into the idea of boys but no one liked the idea of me dating or finding love. If I talked to much about a boy I saw or even looked at a man for too long I was always go back to the island. I remember once’s when a man by the name of Benjamin started to works as a deck hand on the boat that came too and from the island. He spent a few nights with me in the lighthouse when my parents were asleep. I remember wearing a long expensive robe that was red with white fur on the hood and bottom. That was the night I became a woman. I guess my father noticed I was gone. I specifically remember the two of us hiding outside behind some bushes. Far enough to not be able to get caught but close enough to see the back door where we fled from. That night he suggested I go back to the mainland with him for us to start a life together. We made a plan for the following week. I sadly didn’t make it to the dock. I died two mornings later due to jumping or falling onto the rocks during low tide. I don’t remember if I jumped or not. I don’t remember the town name, the boat, the name of my parents - however my name was Betty. That’s all I remember of my name. I was an only child as well. My parents were older. Names that I do remember but I don’t have a face too are: James Baker - kind of older with a thin face and bags under his eyes. Has a beard that comes to a point. He always wore an old ripped up captains hat even though he wasn’t a captain. Elizabeth - I just remember the name and John. I think John was the man who worked the boat.  

I don’t know why I even wrote this. It’s been something that’s been on my mind for awhile and I doubt I’ll ever find Benjamin again. I sadly don’t even know if this was a dream, a past life, or a life I made up in my head during all the times I dissociated from reality. I want to know if anyone remember the island too, the lighthouse, meeting up and having a forbidden romance, or even remember the boat going to and from the island. I want to know that I’m not actually crazy and I’m not the only one who remembers this.


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