Pete's blog Mar 08 2007 04:35pm

i think the only way i can rely on you is relying on you not to ever care.

it all makes sense now,

why want something with me you already have with someone else?

or could have with someone else without all the complications that come with a boy like me.

defects.

i wanted things with you i never had with anyone else.

but you already have had it all.

second place in a contest where there are no winners.

if you taught me anything its how to fall in love then hit rock bottom.

the dreamer in my believes there is someone out there that will love me.

but the realist in me believes they will, and then stop.

guess im just wasting my time-

and id say im wasting ours but that would imply you ever spent any time on me in the first place.

left with lies and half written vows.

this is how it always ends,

me staring at the phone, staring at the wall.

cant stand to look at my hands or my bed.

anyplace where you were.

this is what its like to wake up while going on 30 some hours of no sleep.

tired jetlag talk.

you turn black eyes blue and make gold hearts rust.

the best intentions and mentions get backspaced or typos.

think of all the things we could have shared.

tired of being on the (dis)honor list.

tired of being on a list at all.

youll always write the best things coming in out of a heartache.

a disappointment.

tears hit the paper but itll be some of your best writing.

youll just never want to reread it and go back to that time.

"go back to how it felt."

never want to think about her smile, her laughter, her promises.

the way they were all fake in the end.

this is how stonehedge was built, how the grand canyon split.

the way her hair on your pillow feels more like a hotel than a home.

just a temporary resting spot.

and i cant decide...

does it hurt worse to think about your pillow with her head on it-

or whose pillow it was on when it wasnt.

almost literally behind your back.

from trying to believe the best from the worst people.

or is it the worst from the best people?

the way an drained bottle about to hit the floor feels.

a container about to be trashed feels because its insides are gone.

just a shell with no use.

i think they say not to regret because if you regret you never forget.

i think life is a joke no one really gets until the end.

til its over.

i think columbus first words were "is this it?"

i guess this is the "fall" part of being in love.

whatever goes up must come down-

hopes, spirits, hearts, lungs, love.

i dont believe in third chances-

i dont think i could live through this happening again.

she had on her poker face through every lie

and every hand i was dealt was a slap in the face.

keep the ring on your finger, im just left with a knot in my stomach.

im thinking love was how the dinosaurs became extinct.

either living with it or living without it.

i really dont know what would be worse...

personally i want to throw myself in the first arms i can find to forget about her.

i dont even care whose.

the best and the wor(s)e out.

you did a horrible thing to me for the last time.

just random stuff i wrote. some of it new some of it old. my head is anywhere but in the moment, its always looking ahead or looking back. deal with dkny, gonna be designing a line for them i hope youll all love. oh yeah, and new buzznet pictures;

i never expected you to relate. just to smile while you pretend to.

xx