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Ok so I'm really going thru it rn. My throat is dry, I feel like throwing up, my heart hurts, I'm just filled up to the brim with anxiety rn.

Yesterday I fucked up, I did and I recognize it but I honestly fail to see the full picture, at least rn and I dont think I have a lot of the blame here but tbh that might just be me being childish...

I'm gonna sum up what happened:

I've been in this friend group w my bf for a couple months now (he's known them for almost 10 years now) and theres this one guy who keeps messing w me and it drives me crazy how I can never figure out his intentions and I keep trusting him but he keeps fucking me over.

I'll be calling this guy K and his best friend B.

So basically, for some context, yesterday I sent a picture of me when I was 12 thru the gc, I was wearing thigh high socks and a cringy red skirt, I sent the photo to just basically make fun of my self and that's when K says "B would jerk off to those thighs lmao" (Just in case anyone finds this really weird, it's just a joke and that's not the issue w this situation) and then in private dms he tells me "No, really, he would. What if you delete the photo from the gc and I'll delete my message and i cut the image so ur face doesn't appear and i send it to him to get his opinion to then tell him it was you at 12 lolol" and the whole joke was that when he finds out it's me after being attracted to it initially, he'd be all grossed out and that was the funny bit.

So I said yes and gave him my permission.

A little after that K started asking if I still had thighs like that and I just replied that they're fatter now cuz I've grown obviously and he started asking to see and I said I didn't have any and he just asked again so I send one from my instagram that was public for anyone to see (he didn't believe it was me lol) so he asked for more to kind of sell the idea to B that it was an actual girl from like twitter. I kept telling him that I couldn't take a good pic and I was starting to feel rlly uncomfortable tbh, but I put my feelings aside for the sake of the joke and sent him another one (I wanna note that these pics were normal, nothing dirty, the instagram one was just showing off some ripped tights and the second one was me trying on some pants).

I felt pretty weird afterwards, specially since B didn't even reply to his messages cuz he went to sleep and for some reason K started mentioning how I've gotten groomed in the past by multiple guys and I just thought it was weird for him to just mention that...

Anyways, obviously before even going thru w the prank I told my bf we were going to and he seemed fine w it but when my conversation w K ended and I felt weird about it, I recorded an audio and told him what had happened...

this is where everything went awry

He got mad at me asking why the hell I would send that in the first place and I tried explaining that it was supposed to be a joke and I ignored my feelings of uncomfortableness because I didn't wanna make things weird or ruin the joke idek..

And he just kept getting mad and telling me he didn't understand why I didn't just say no and that just made me more upset cuz the thought that K might have taken advantage of me in some way was creeping in and on top of that my bf was mad at me for it :((((

We spoke for a little bit more and he just said that it was fine bc he just couldn't do anything about it (I told him not to make a fuss about it on the gc) 

I don't know how I'm feeling, I just regret it all so much (I should make a post clarifying the other times K has fucked me over but rn I should study for a test I have tomorrow)

whwuwhwuwh

:,(