feeling like less than nobody

Everything I can think of creating has already existed. 

I am the most moderate, mediocre, talent.

No art I create breaks boundaries or showcases raw emotion.

No matter how hard I try, I can't ever make music, especially not music I WANT to make.

I don't write exemplary pieces of literature. My vocabulary isn't very extensive. 

I don't look special. I don't even have dyed or styled hair, piercings, tattoos, nails... etc. 

I can't do makeup, I can't diet, I can't dress, I can't exercise consistently

I can't play games super well, or make games, or code. 

I don't have an amazing understanding of any particular niche. I know a moderate amount about the things I like and that's about it. 

I don't spend my time doing anything productive. I just scroll. 

I have no special interests anymore. 

I can't ever finish commissions in time. It's been months that I'm stuck on just one. 

I can't embroider, crochet, knit, sew, or bead things. 

I'm not social. I don't make friends easily. I'm not even inclined to try. 

I don't hate reading, I just can never find anything I'd actually want to read. 

I don't hate college, I think I could theoretically do pretty well in it, but I am almost always failing my classes. 

I can't keep my living space clean. I can't even do my own laundry or dishes, my boyfriend does them. 

I can't play instruments no matter how much I try to learn. 

I can't really sing. I can't really scream. 

Despite 10 years of ballet, I dropped out and now I can't dance at all. 

I'm not even that special of a loser. I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't drink. I don't engage in risky behaviors. I have a minimum wage job and a boyfriend. 

I don't even have a license and I'm almost 20. 

What am I even doing with my life? I don't feel alive.