heeeeeeeey

It's been a while! thought I'd wait a bit until my next update!

Things have been great lately, although sometimes there's drama or I get reminded of my ex, little by little I've already forgotten his voice, his face, everything

My current bf is the sweetest ever, we've had some issues but very surface level and nothing worth fussing over. This time around, I actually feel like he's my best friend. I love being on call with him, playing together or just chilling, we talk about a lot of things but we dont talk ALL day which is fine too :3.

Sometimes I feel the distance makes us kind of "run out of ideas" on things we say to eachother, be it sexual stuff... Or lovey dovey stuff... I guess he's just rlly not used to it all and I should also chill out w my intensity too...

I'm not sure how I feel in general though, I've been actually studying hard for exams so I haven't had time for my monthly depressive episodes which kind of worry me... Every certain amount of time I get very very depressed and suicidal and then it just kinda goes away...

Everytime this happens my room becomes a mess, I stop taking care of myself, I barely drink water, eat when I'm hungry... I ignore everyone... I stop doing my homework...

Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I don't do shit is because I'm lazy and not used to doing stuff or if I actually have some sort of problem..

But reaching out for help is useless now, I've tried with a teacher and he kind of brushed it off, told me to speak with a counselor and I've tried with a friend that just told another one of the friends in the group and my bf and just made a whole mess and argued w me about how **I** was feeling and that made me mad as hell...

I've been neglecting my art account and not posting at all though... i know my objective has never been to be social media famous or anything like that but I won't lie I like the fact that a lot of people might see what I draw, what I write, etc...

I even write all these blogs in hopes that some nerd finds them someday, like I have before with other blogs online :3

Maybe I'll even be that nerd in the future reading my own stuff, and that doesn't bother me (If this website is still up by then)

I feel like I might get a depressive episode once exams are over because I'm tired all the time and I overthink on my friendships or overthink in general...

I've also beeen getting sleep paralysis!! It's a terrible experience and maybe someday I'll write a post about it but for now I should go... I ended up not doing anything all day and joined a call in the gc w my boyfriend... I should have finished some schoolwork and turned it in... Studied for my next test... Write down some physics theory... But I just scrolled on my phone, played a few project DIVA songs (I DOWNLOADED THE GAME AND OMG I LOVE IT SO MUCHHHH(I rlly lrlly ellyll like vocaloid)) and theen joined the call, and now it's 8:30/20:30 pm :P

I'm such a mess.. And I have no idea what I'm doing but I'll get spontaneously motivated to clean my room, post on my art account and stuff like that like I always do (I hope).