Sexuality Rant

Wow, right into it, well anyways, in the mood of pride month, I'm gonna rant to random strangers on the internet.
So like, I officially came out a lesbian like 2 years ago or smth, and before that I had always known and like I had identified with fem oriented sexualities right? But like, I suffer from borderline personality disorder (yes I'm diagnosed, don't jump me), so it makes me feel like I'm in this stupid fucking place of "Do I actually identify this way or am I just trying to make myself a persona? Or is this a phase?" or something like that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know for a fact I'm queer, its never been something I've been unaware about, but at the same time, I don't really think I could ever end up with a man unless like. They didn't actually look like a man? If that makes any sense or like didn't come with the whole being a cis man, but at the same time, I wouldn't mind it but god I don't know cause I also have a god awful track record of developing feelings for trans guys which then makes me feel even WORSE cause like. Wow Mori, way to go and invalidate someone's gender WHEN THAT'S NOT MY INTENTION AUGH!!!
I don't know, I kinda just feel stuck in this limbo of who I like or don't like, and it's weird cause I feel like for some reason I don't deserve to have standards either, or like I disregard them, idk
I'm not really asking for pity or advice this is really just me ranting about being a mentally ill bitch.
I guess that's all for now ^-^

edit (7/19/25): nevermind everyone, i locked in and still like kissing women