updatesupdatesupdates; the mystery of life, being hospitalized, and accepting things

[tw; mention of suicidal thoughts and suicide]

hi!

i just wanted to write a quick little update on how things are going for me, so without further ado lets dive in!

first, i was hospitalized for a month because i tried to end my own life but then they basically threw me out because they needed my place for someone else lmao

it's sad really, the state of hospitals and everything, but at the beginning i had a very hard time dealing with it (i have a hard time dealing with anything that changes at all really)

the upside is that they diagnosed me with autism, and it honestly feels good. ive sort of known for years, so having that finally acknowledged and not just brushed off is so validating. i feel like i dont have to fight with myself so much anymore, and i finally feel like im starting to accept myself.

no transition whatsoever but i was rejected from every master's degree i applied to lmao so i might go to the netherlands in september, to work and learn dutch (i love learning languages)

ive also started making music! i released my first song on soundcloud and am currently working on another one (hopefully this goes well) and i love it! i truly hope i can achieve my dream of being a musician full time

life is weird really, but it's starting to feel alright for the first time in about a decade, finally