He just used me and I feel really bad :(

Well, I recently started university and I was feeling fine — there weren’t any problems other than the usual. But then everything got ruined. I started feeling like crap up until today. And why? Because of a guy in my class…

I'm bisexual, and the thing is, this guy messaged me on Instagram and I replied. He was flirting with me but I kind of ignored it a bit. Still, I thought he was cute, and he gave me things, paid a lot of attention to me… he’d ask me when I’d get to class and stuff like that. One time I gave him a drawing, and he asked me to go with him — I went with him to his dance class and everything. Since we live near each other, I walked him home, and he invited me in. He told me he lived kind of alone, so I went in. For a moment, I thought in my head — “I’m not stupid.” Well, I am. I thought maybe we’d kiss or something chill… and we did kiss.

But then the idiot started trying to lift my shirt. I told him I didn’t want to, to please stop, because I don’t like my body and besides, I didn’t want to do that…

Then he started touching me, and I told him that was enough, but he kept going and going. I also feel very guilty because I let it happen. We continued, but I set a boundary — because I was a virgin. And that idiot didn’t care. He did what he wanted, and now I’m not a virgin anymore.

After that, he kicked me out of his house quickly, saying he was scared someone might see me. I messaged him later and asked why he did that if I told him I didn’t want to, and he said it was “because he was horny.” That made me really mad — I even cried. I confronted him, and I think that upset him. He started ghosting me — didn’t reply or anything. I felt horrible because he had just used me for sex.

We don’t talk — nobody knows about this — we act like strangers in class. I feel awful because I let myself be used. I asked to talk with him and he’d ditch me or not reply. He’d say, “I’m going with X,” and I knew they were probably going to do the same thing he did with me. That made me cry. I’m crying now because this happened recently, and I still feel bad.

The thing is, I wanted to give him a little bee keychain… he made me wait and then said, “Oh, I went with X.” I asked if I could go to his house and he said yes. I went, he opened the door, I gave him the bee, and that was it… but I know in that moment he was doing stuff with the other guy, “X.” I’m so sure. He told me I couldn’t come in because his cousin was there — a lie. I know it’s a lie. On top of that, suddenly that guy “X” followed me on Instagram even though he doesn’t know me — and right after I went to the guy’s house…

I messaged him saying he just used me, that I felt terrible, and asked him to please give me some affection — that it was all I wanted. And he said it was a mistake…

I mean, he was so attentive with me until we had sex, and then he didn’t want anything more. He just wanted to take my virginity and I feel like shit. And I can’t do anything — he’s in my class, I have to see him every day, and I hate him so much. I wish I could go back in time and have done it with someone special…

And now, on Wednesday, I have to go again and see him, and I’ll feel like shit all over again…