Listening to God again and exploring my faith

Mez's blog entry #17 ~ 454 words

Something thats been playing on my mind recently is my faith. I've never been overtly spiritual or religious in my life, despite being raised in a druidic kind of faith by my mother.

I've always had the feeling that some kind of deity does exist, but it isn't like the God of many religions. It's more of a force-like conciousness that is woven throughout the universe and in every single things. Life and existence itself. Recently, due to recent events, I've been feeling much more spiritual. I feel like I'm finally waking up to the lessons that this force has been trying to tell me. It's telling me to be kind, compassionate, empathetic, or those are the results I get. 

I recently used to call myself an animist, as I believed that everything has a spirit in it. I still hold this idea to some degree, but I feel like I'm starting to understand my actual reason behind why I called myself an animist. Everything has this force of life/conciousness/God in it, even in things that aren't alive. Everything is connected to everything else in this web that is God. I feel like that's what I've been picking up on. When I say I can feel the spirit of an object, it means that I feel connected to it's part of God through my part of God inside me in this big web. 
Panenthiesm is probably what I believe in, with God being life and existence itself all woven into everything in this world. God is in you and me and everything else. Every atom. But also at the same time God is a conscious thing outside of the physical world, larger than life.

I still am going to hold onto the label Pagan to describe myself, as I believe in something other than the main religious. My faith is personal to myself and my own experiences, and I take aspects of other religions and ideologies that feel right and add them to my own set of beliefs. It's my own little mini religion in a way.
It's weird because this really isn't something I get to choose, per say?? Like all this I feel about God and life feels so real. It's fact to me. I still know science is fact, but this also feels real to me. It will not be the same for other people and that's fine, but it's important to me.
Through developing my connection to God I wish to be more empathetic, to open up my heart to joy and pain. I hope to be guided through life in love for all other life, and all other bodies of God. 

Trauma does crazy things ngl

Mez out <3