yap sess #1 (chocolate milk and its downfall)

has anyone else noticed how absolutely ass it is to buy bottled chocolate milk? Like, it's all either some fuckass chalky protein shake or far too thick to be enjoyed (like??? I'd rather js buy and melt down ice cream at that point). That, or the serving sizes are shit. I'm not a five year old; I don't want just two sip of the damned drink. Also, I feel like it's such an untapped market for cafes. I like the taste of coffee, but caffine absolutely fucks me up. Cafes never have decaf (reasonable? i guess), but they never have good alternatives either. Tea is good sometimes. Once went to a cafe that only served coffee + sparking water (no normal water :[), and you're telling me fuckass sparkling water is more popular and lucrative than chocolate milk. who the fuck even likes that tv static? the only person i know is my dad who deludes himself into believing it's soda (he's pre-diabetic [fucking loser]). chocolate milk would be an amazing non-caffine option for cafes. way easier than freshly squeezed juices (that always taste like crap) and not stupid ass sparkling water. not to mention many cafes offer hot chocolate already? like??? just make it cold so i don't cook the shit out of myself in these climate fucked summers to come.

EDIT: friend gave me a bottle of chocolate milk from cream o' land. it actually tastes good. i feel faithful in the chocolate milk industry once again. no clue if they're evil or smth, but the milk is quite pleasant. not a 10/10 (still has a bit of that strange thickness, but if you drink it fast enough, it's unnoticeable)