Comfort is a coffin

♪♪ Listening to: "Oh, Blue" by La Luz

I'm feeling a little iffy rn and I've been feeling that way for a while so I guess I decided midway writing this that I wanted to make it poetic. Weirdly enough, it made me feel a little better. :)

You know, this always happens when I just lay in bed all day, but that's just all I wanna do. 😕 It's kinda lame. I battle with myself every day about wanting to fight the strong urge to just stay in bed until I rot from the inside out and then the other urge to just run away from that feeling and doing something, anything that would break me out of that feeling and break my ceiling of how I have been raised and what I settled into. Settled meaning settled for less than I wanted/hoped for at one time. I could tell you the story about how I killed myself figuratively to fit in a box that didn't fit my shape or my fears about how me getting comfortable with the feeling of laying around all day and how that comfortability would be my final nail in the coffin, the lowest ceiling I've ever had. But what would that help? 

You see, I like talking in a very dramatic manner because it conveys how dire my situation is, how desperate I am to get my point across, to show you in imagination form how much I am peeling my skin to expose you the blue that buried deep into my being, muscles, and bones. It's urgent for you understand that this isn't just a passing feeling or just a sneaky 1 am thought. it's a burning pain that has been unknowingly to others, handed down to me that I like to ignore by making everything loud.

I know one day I'll crash and burn, but at least I attempted to navigate myself with grace.