ptsd & adulthood

hello world, 

this is not a very optimistic blog but i think it's important to talk about it. the title says it all so if you don't want to read about it, you can just skip it. it's fine, you can ignore it for a couple years. but in my case, i've got to a point where i can't ignore it. 

people (which means a couple of friends) celebrated my 22nd birthday. i haven't celebrated the fact i'm aging because i can't perceive it as a good thing. i'm not saying it is not a good thing, i just can't see it that way from my own perception and experience. 

i've barely started adulthood and i feel like i've lost everything already. i spent my whole life, thinking i would be a teenager forever. i would live and leave as a teenager. i'am so far away from everyone around me, they all seem to be okay with the fact they grow up while i'm just a childish adult. 

i was a mature child whom became a childish adult. it sounds ironic yet it makes so much sense. it is so weird to mourn your childhood when you had to survive most of it.