getting sad again : blog number whatever

I'm so exhausted after today. 

this morning was so great. i got my new clothes i ordered and everything fit. 

i finished my first client and she was nice and liked the service, and i went and got new sandals and bedazzled them. they came out cute. 

i wanted to go home after i took my second client but then my friend needed to stay at work so she suggested i do her hair. it took like 4 1/2 hours and by the end i was exhausted. 

what made me sad was i was wearing my new clothes and i just felt so big all day. i wish i could stop eating. i feel like i weigh more than i ever did at my highest. i just want to get sick again so i can lose weight like i did in beauty school. everything makes me feel huge. 

i keep going from i look good to i look terrible and it's driving me crazy. i just want to sleep all day. i don't want to have to eat or get dressed for a while. i don't want to come to work for the next few days but i have to. im exhausted. 

i just want to be left alone