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This one has the same preface as "Happy?", so go read it there in the previous blog post... only this one has a lot more unfiltered and raw emotion... and a little bit of post-amnesia exchanges gone horribly awry... I had thought about scrapping this song because maybe it's a little too hostile towards her... but then I remembered hearing her voice telling me "don't you ever scrap a good song"
The Indictment
You know who I am
Though you can't see
This tortured face of mine
When the spotlight
First shown on you
Is when you went blind
You couldn't see
How my life crumbling
Was driving me to hate
Hearing how everything
Was going to be
So fucking great
I screamed for help
But you just felt
Like everything was still fine
A thousand voices
Screamed your name
And you just couldn't hear mine
But I'm glad for you
You got to live
Your moment to shine
So take a bow
Before that crowd
And just leave me behind
[Chorus]
I really could have used your help
Just to remind me who I am
It seemed that if I wasn't yours
Then you just couldn't give a damn
One day that pen ran dry
Something inside me died
And all this time I never knew
How much it's ghost had haunted you
As I carried on
Through the wasteland
You learned to feel
But not quite grasped
The art of listening and hearing
You taught me
Longing and wanting
Can feign illusions of caring
Your forgiveness
Seems contingent on
Me being your lover
But what's an olive branch in one hand
When you wield
A dagger in the other
So twist that blade
You queen of spades
In this sick game of hearts
You know the hand
I was given
Ensured it all fell apart
In my darkest hour
I could only play
The cards I was dealt
And when I needed you
To be there for me
You were only there for yourself
[Chorus]
I really could have used your help
Just to remind me who I am
It seemed that if I wasn't yours
Then you just couldn't give a damn
One day that pen ran dry
Something inside me died
You should have known I had no choice
You could feel it in my trembled voice
That I was being pulled
Into the wasteland
You act like
Leaving you was something
That I'd willingly choose
But you were
Every-fucking-thing
I even had left to lose
You'd never know
How much that killed my soul
And fractured my mind
Because you slammed
That goddamn door on me
And spit in my eye
Not a shred of mind
Was paid to all
The damage you'd done to me
When the pain
Was so traumatic
That amnesia stole my memory
Four years later
When you came around
To finally face your regret
I spoke to you
And never knew
Because we had never even met
[Chorus]
I really could have used your help
Just to remind me who I am
It seemed that if I wasn't yours
Then you just couldn't give a damn
One day that pen ran dry
Something inside me died
And all this time I never knew
How much it had to do with you
As I carried on
Through the wasteland
It's far more bitter than bittersweet
Recovering these lost memories
Revisiting this tragedy
Reliving what you did to me
Trying hard to forgive you
For all the hell you put me through
But everything has changed
Every piece is rearranged
And every single goddamn thing's
Still exactly the same
I try to talk to you
But you're just as silent as the grave
You act like you're the victim
And I'm not the monster that you made
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