vent TW: talking abt roadkill

         TW talking abt roadkill

okay first of all, im manic rn and kinda having an anxiety attack rn. the other day i was walking to my dads place, n found a dead cat in the middle of the road. i moved it to the side so it woulnt get run over again. and earlier today i dug a grave for it n now i gotta go get it n bury it. but im scared and idk why. this happens sometimes when im about to get ready to go outside and idk why. im actually excited and WANT to go outside cuz i get to stop at a few places and take pics/videos with my camera. but also cats are my favorite animal ever so seeing one dead and moving it away from the road was just, idek how to explain it. it was fresh. still limp and still leaking bodily fluids. it smells so bad. the only way to describe the smell is that it just smells like death. doesnt smell like shit or puke or trash. just. death. as soon as i started moving it i could smell it. i had to take a few breaks cuz it was so bad and it gave me anxiety. everytime i moved it and walked away for a second to gather myself, there was more blood on the road. i can tell it was a quick death tho. it was hit in the head by a car. most animals when its hit they run off but this one was still in the road. it died on impact and didnt bleed out. also the fact that i ran into a pack of pissed off coyotes that same night i found the cat doesnt help my whole anxiety thing. its like 4am walking on a trail and i didnt notice the coyotes til i was like 10 feet away from em. i had my headphones in catching frogs and all of a sudden i hear hissing. i thought it was a cat at first but then i paused my music and heard multiple hisses. n i see this one coyote on the trail abt 30 feet away from me. the rest of them were in the rlly tall grass on my right. on my left theres just a creek so i had to go back. the one coyote i could see had its head kinda low to the ground and walking towards me slowly, like what cats do when they are abt to catch a bird or something. so i turned off my flashlight n just walked backwards slowly. it took abt 5 mins to get out of their sight and the whole time i could just hear them growling and hissing. as soon as i turned the corner i fucking RAN. i ended up going a different route to get to my dads. also when u think ur abt to die ur life does not flash before ur eyes. all u feel is just panic and fear at first. then u think of ways u can escape. i mean sometimes ur life does flash before ur eyes but that doesnt usually happen.