Orchestra Camp 🎻

[5.29.25 | 4:12pm | Thursday ] 

The All-Regions orchestra camp officially ended today. Despite my eagerness to quit due to being 'shown up' by some twelve-year-olds, all more competent and skilled on the viola than I, I'm glad, in the end, that I powered through the days of utter shame and stark realization—a reality check, as you'd call it. Because, believe it or not, I can say I actually learned a thing or two, having improved as a musician (for working to expand my skillset) and as a person (for taking on one heck of a challenge). I truly wish, though, that I could practice all that music and just "know." I wish I had that talent or that gift. I started playing the viola when I was about seven, but music wasn't promoted much, and I didn't care to practice on my own. Rookie mistake. In hindsight, I kind of wish it had been forced on me. Being that young with such a malleable brain would've been the perfect setup to create anything more than what I am now. Alas, though, that wasn't the route I went down. Woe is me. I'm seventeen and just barely above average, if that. I'm no prodigy, and it begins to feel like an uphill climb when I wish to learn [X] piece but lack the necessary skills to do so. That's why I felt so embarrassed during the camp—the kids were younger, more knowledgeable, and everyone seemed to speak and understand a whole lot of musical terms I'd never heard before. It wasn't very encouraging. The only thing that kept me going, really, were the little bits of self-improvement—the times I'd finally play a passage right after an eternity of doing it wrong. Eventually, I bumbled through the entire first page of one of the pieces—Lillian Fuchs' First Fantasy Etude for viola. I made mistakes, yes, but it was a total transformation nonetheless. I wanted to smile and celebrate—maybe even jump for joy in my chair, squirming all excitedly. But, like I said, the orchestra camp was a reality check, and the truth of the matter was (and still is) that, regardless of how much better I get, I am still worse than those around me. ૮◞‸◟˶𑁬 Sad but true. Womp womp. I ought to mourn what could have been, then try becoming what will be.