daily yap #10 "love"

i know i already wrote about him in the last blog, but..

I've never been so inlove with someone my whole entire life. Its like cupid struck me with an arrow the first time i saw him. i yearn for him. I remember when i met him so vividly. I was in sixth grade in my green architecture elective. I had no friends because i had just moved from a different school. I didnt know anyone. I was struggling with my work because it had some math in it so i raised my hand to ask the teacher for help. the teacher told me that she'll get a student to help me because she was busy. i was slightly dissapointed because my awkward ass was embarassed that i couldnt do math this simple. she called over a kid and he came over and stood over me. he was tall. i looked up at him and thats when i got stabbed in the heart with love. He had the most beautiful brown eyes anyone could ever have. I loved his long hair. i was frozen. He leaned over closely and taught me how to do the math but all i could focus on was his beautiful nose, he had a beautiuful hooked nose. I felt so warm im pretty sure i started to sweat. eventually he got done helping me and went back to his seat. i complimented his name before he went back and he smiled and said "thank you" i told him your welcome and after that i couldnt get him out of my mind. After that day. i noticed him more often than usual. i overheard him talking about fnaf and dc and marvel comics. thats when i got hooked. a cute guy who likes marvel and dc and fnaf??? did i die and go to heaven?? i know this sounds kinda weird but after that i would always convienantly sit nearby them to eavesdrop on what they said. He liked oldschool games, minecraft, sonic, fnaf, horror, led zeppelin. 

the year after that in seventh grade. i managed to get into the same elective as him again. this time it was medical detctives. He sat in the middle row and i sat in the front row. this class was the class i made my first friends in, so i felt a bit more confident. the teacher told us we were gonna learn how to take blood pressures. she told us we could work with whoever. and i took my chance. i walked over to him and asked him if we could be partners,, and he said yes!! i sat down next to him and talked about the project. then i asked him about his name 

"your named after a beatles member right?"

"yeah i am"

"no way, thats so cool! do you listen to them?"

"yeah"

"me too! ^_^ what other music do you like?"

"led zeppelin is pretty cool and nirvana"

at this point i was already freaking out because holy hell his music taste was beautiful. hes hoenstly the reason why i got into led zeppelin.

the teachers told us to take eachothers blood pressures. He placed his fingers on my wrist and i was freaking out. i was sweating with nervousness. (i know all he did was take my blood pressure but oh my god oh my god oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

We finished early 2 days later and we had freetime. i pulled out my pokemon comic that i brought everywhere at the time. i looked over to him and you WONT beleive WHAT he pulled out of his bag.

He pulled out..

The Batman who laughs comic book. my eyes widened in shock and joy. i LOVED the batman who laughs.

"hey, you like the batman who laughs??"

"yeah hes pretty cool"

"i like him too! i have a figurine of him"

"thats cool"

"Is he your favorite batman version?"

"yeah he probably is"

"thats sick!" 

I was sosososososoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo infatuated with him now that i found out he likes the batman who laughs.

Before the class ended. i leaped and shoot the ball into the net.

"hey, is it ok if i get your number? your pretty cool and it would be nice if we became friends"

"Yeah, of course."

AAAAAAAAAAANDDD SCOREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i got his number and i was like oh my god i was like ASHJKDSKLFJSLK;RGJIRK,L i never thought something like this could happen ever.

 that day as soon as i got home i texted him. we talked about batman and oldschool video games. We showed off the comics we read. talked about music. legos. movies. our guitars. our pets.

it was a dream come true

eventually i asked him if he wanted to hangout sometime and he said yeah. we decided on going to the arcade.

Now this. was the most awkward. teriffying. embarassing. experience ever. i was so incredibly awkward around him and torwards the end of the hangout we ending up splitting ways and playing our own games. i felt HUMILIATED. after that we went back to my house and waited for him to get picked up. i couldnt talk to him after that

i didnt talk to him for a bit. occasinally id say hi. 

I didnt talk to him over the summer but when school started i talked to him again. i was in 8th grade now. We started talking to eachother frequently and we started to get closer. Since we were in seperate classes i always said hi to him and dapped him on my way to lunch. it was anything i could ever ask for.

We hung out a few times over the year and always played minecraft and fortnite together and called.

i called him recently and we were on call for 3 hours talking and playing natrual disaster survival on roblox <33

I remember i would always be on call with him for usually 3 hours or less. the longest we've ever called was 5 or 6 hours. we always talked about something. New pokemon card sets, New movies. Opinions on different games. if i could i would relive those exact moments a thousand times. I could listen to him yap about the alien movie franchise forever.

On trunk or treat. i was about to leave but before i did i went to say bye to him. he dapped me and pulled me in for like one of those like those uh dap and hugs?? im not sure what to call them but its when like someone daps the other person then leans and pats them. IDK i hope that made sense. but he did that with me and it was SO unexpected i felt like an idiot when i just awkwardly hovered my hands over his back. i enjoyed it though.

One time i was at his house after we went to dave and busters, and somehow we got onto the topic of grades. we were talking about the midterms we took. I asked him how he did and he told me he did well. I didnt know what i got yet so i went to check on the grades website and i scrolled down to pre algebra...and oh boy... that midterm grade didnt look so pretty....

I legit went "Oh!" and looked over at him and chuckled nervously.

he looked at me and said "wow im sorry"
i felt so embarassed. i FAILED the midterm. i mean, i was still passing in my overall grade but i STILL failed it.

i said that my dad is gonna kill me. He asked me if i wanted a hug and that caught me off guard. i nodded and looked down. He gave me the most loving hug ever and told me "Everything will be ok." and patted my back.

i almost cried. cause. like. what the fuck. where did this come from???

he HUGGED me and told me it was gonna be alright. He was one of the only friends that has ever did that to me. None of my friends had ever made me feel this way. I felt euphoric. i felt like right there i could explode like an atomic BOMB. a NUKE even.

He let go and we sat there for like 2-3 seconds as i stared at my grade and laughed nervously trying to hide the tears in my eyes (is this a cure reference?). He leaned in again for another hug. ANOTHER ONE. TWO. IN A ROW. and i didnt even have to ask him. it felt like my heart was beating 10x faster. i was so warm and embarassed. it was the best moment i've ever had....Then after that he annihilated me in super smash bros....

hes so adorable and cute i wanna kiss him on his face a thousand times. Hes so loveable, charming, cute, sweet, enchanting, captivating, gorgeous, and precious

When i graduated, i found out he wasnt going to the same school i was next year, which made me sad, but he got into the school he wanted to go to so i was happy for him. Atleast he had his friends going to the same school as him too, he wasnt going alone.

I found him after the graduation ceremony and talked to him. I opened my arms out for a hug and he slouched over to hug me. (cause hes uh tall and im short thats why he slouched)

He squeezed my back tightly and my stupid ass patted his back for longer than i shouldve.

We eventually let go of eachother after 3 or 4 seconds and that was really one of the best hugs ive ever gotten. i loved feeling his embrace.

i realized something tho.

all of his other friends he gave a side hug or a regular one. while ME. he squeezed me. this made me FREAK THE FUCK OUT. what the helly. i KNOW for sure im overthinking it but it still drives me crazy.

anyways. i left to go find my friends and take pictures with them. i realized i forgot to take a picture with him. 

so thennnnn... my greedy ass came back for seconds. we hugged eachother again quickly and took a picture together with a few other friends even though i just wanted it to be me and him. but its ok. dammit.

It hurts to know i'll probably never be with him.

Hes a straight man. and im, uh well im me. 

someone like me would never be on the same level as him. and thats ok. i just wish him eternal peace and nothing but happiness for him. His future girlfriends/wife will be so lucky to have a guy like him.

i love his cheesy smile. i love how his eyes squint when he smiles. i love his yearbook photo. i love how his thumbs are always in his hands. i love his big brown eyes. i love the way his eyes shine in the light. i love his big hooked nose. i love his brown hair. i love his voice. i love his growing mustache. I love his cute laugh. i love that he plays football. i love how he always wears either shorts or sweatpants. i love how awkward he is. His love for doom eternal is so adorable. (doom eternal is his favorite doom game and also his favorite game ever.) I love his music taste. His love for Queen is so cute. Queen is his favorite band. i love how karma police is his favorite radiohead song. i love how both of our favorite radiohead songs are on the same album (ok computer) And how the songs are right next to eachother on the actual album. (letdown and karma police.) 

i'll love him forever. 

maybe in another universe

"When you need a shoulder to cry on, i hope it will be mine." 

"If you need somebody to love, just look into my eyes."

- The Beatles, Any Time at All.

"Waiting, Waiting drives you crazy." - Radiohead, let down 9.1

5/29/2025. 8;01pm