05 29 24 - Pierce The Veil

I saw Pierce the Veil live for the 3rd time on Saturday, May 24th, 2025. I'd be exaggerating if I said it went absolutely perfectly. I was terribly exhausted by the time Pierce the Veil actually came on stage. But I can be 100% sure that it was the best concert I'd ever been to. Not only was the experience so much better, but my mentality had shifted so much with just one concert. I felt different.

I first discovered Pierce the Veil in the summer of 2022. One of their songs made it onto the playlist that was based on Richie Tozier, a character I heavily related to from one of my favorite movies. I saw that character as a part of me. Not only was he terribly loud and annoying, but his friends almost seemed to dislike his presence at times. He was me, and I was him. 

The song, A Match into Water, seemed to find itself on my own playlist not so long after. I managed to love it so much that there was a need to listen to more songs similar to it. And just like that, I found myself adding multiple other Pierce the Veil songs onto my playlist. There it was, Pierce the Veil existed, and I was aware of their existence. 

My love for loud music with heartbreaking lyrics was very apparent. I listened to other bands like My Chemical Romance, Lovejoy, and the Front Bottoms. It was just the type of music I enjoyed, that was all there was to it. At least, at the time that was what I believed. 

It was easy to find comfort in music like that. The lyrics and tunes seemed to hit very close to my heart, acting as glue for the many chipped pieces that my heart had. Life wasn't easy, so it became a lot easier to live through music than actual reality. 

Another band that I seemed to love was Lovejoy. The lead singer, Wilbur Soot, had released an album, dedicated to the struggles of just being alive. It was an album I seemed to rely on heavily, being able to relate to it and finding comfort in the fact that I was not struggling alone. The reassurance that someone as famous as him had the exact same struggles as me.

The day I found out that Wilbur Soot wasn't real, but rather a persona trying to cover up the very ugly truth of William Gold, I felt like my world fell apart. The one thing I knew in my life was suddenly gone. I would give anything to be able to relive my life choices, to make sure I didn't depend so much on something so unstable. After that moment, I wasn't sure I was even willing to trust another artist like that again. The fear of having my entire support system crumble again was too much to bear.

May of 2024, I discovered Pierce the Veil for the second time. I spent the entire night, unable to sleep at a regular time like most other nights, watching videos on social media. And suddenly, all I could find were videos about a particular Pierce the Veil song. It was May first, a day that many Pierce the Veil fans celebrated.

I spent the rest of that night learning everything about 'Hold on Till May', one of Pierce the Veil's most popular songs. The song was about a girl who killed herself. Every May, she'd attempt, until one year when she couldn't handle it and attempted sooner. That was the first time it worked. The song sends out a very important message to fans who are struggling to hold on, to hold on until May at least. 

The song hit heavily, and it melted my heart a little to be congratulated by so many strangers online, for simply being alive. After that night, I found myself listening to more of their music, learning more of their lyrics, and obsessing over more of their songs. 

Soon after, I learned they were coming to my town, opening for Blink-182. I spent the next week convincing my mom to let me go. Eventually, she purchased tickets, and I had something to look forward to in three months. 

As exciting as it was, life still hit hard in the gut. For the first time, I had tried weed, and I had begun to smoke. It was a coping mechanism. Despite being someone who was against smoking, I had always known myself well enough to know that I wouldn't stay away from it forever. After hearing about so many other people who did it as a way to cope with life when things got too difficult, I caved. 

I spent most nights on my closet floor, tears streaming down my face, a vape in one hand, and a napkin in the other. Relapsing was one of the most defeating feelings that I'd ever felt. Every time, it felt worse and made me more certain that I'd never win my battle with self harm. Yet, that wasn't the worst thing I felt, because for the first time in 3 years, I had wanted to kill myself. 

It was a feeling that I was familiar with, but it had been growing distant until that moment. I was so certain that it was what I wanted. Yet I held on, not for anyone, because I was sure no one would care, but for the concert that I had already spent money on. The concert that mended the hole in my heart. 

By the time the concert came, things had gotten better. I still had a nicotine addiction, and my usage of weed went from once a week to every day. But that feeling of utter defeat was gone. School started, and I somehow felt more miserable. Suddenly, my addiction grew stronger, and despite only smoking weed at night, I had a pounding urge to slam my head into a wall any moment that I spent sober. 

The next Pierce the Veil concert that I planned on attending was their show in Norfolk, Virginia, in November. Despite how much my life sucked, and having already seen them once, I was ecstatic for the concert. 

My favorite song was 'I'm low on gas and you need a jacket'. The memory attached to it is very vivid. It was a November night, and I was in the car. It wasn't my first time hearing the song, but it was my first time listening to it. 

'You said you ended up in Palms Springs dancin' on tables, Almost fought some bitch at the club (yeah!) Got kicked out of your hotel and lost your shoes. Well, fuck, what, am I supposed to be impressed? You're just another set of bones to lay to rest. I guess it's time to say goodnight. Hope you had a really good time.

The lyrics spoke to me with the same bitter resentment that my ex had spoken to me when we broke up. Despite having been a person who hurt me deeply, he was right about one thing. I had a problem. The words of that song had hit me strongly. Weed wasn't something I enjoyed, and everyone agreed that it was far from 'cool' or 'fun'. I needed to quit. 

Now that I search up the meaning of the song, that's not all that the song's about. It wasn't nearly close to what I interpreted. But it was exactly what I had needed in the moment, and suddenly I understood what it means for a song to be open to interpretation. 

Despite having a new perspective on my addiction, it was nearly impossible to quit, and I found myself getting high only a few weeks later. I was convinced that I'd never be able to quit.

A few days before the concert, I had a horrible falling out with an ex. I spent the whole night crying, and felt like a ghost the next day. I was back in the same miserable spot as before. One thing I know for sure is that if I didn't have the concert in the following week, there's a high chance I wouldn't be here anymore. 

At the concert, they played both songs that hit heavily to me. They played 'I'm Low on Gas and You Need a Jacket' and 'Hold on Till May'. I cried so hard I couldn't sing the lyrics that most mattered ("Darlin' you'll be okay" from Hold on till May). 

It was in the following month that I got tickets for their show in May. December was my least favorite month of the year. I hated the holidays and almost always found it that I was at my lowest in that month. I still felt the urge to end it, but how could I even think about going through with it when I had the Pierce the Veil concert coming up?

Me and my friends had a bingo for 2025, of things that we thought would happen. We jokingly put 'one of us kills ourselves' on it, and it just so happened that it was the last thing my friend needed to get bingo. While we always joked about her winning, I genuinely believed that she would win once my concert was over. 

In March of 2025, something changed. I got a boyfriend, and I felt things get better. I managed to quit vaping, and I didn't even do weed once a week. I didn't cry every other day, and I was the happiest I'd ever been. 

For the first time in nearly 7 years, I was happy with my life and happy with myself. Suddenly, I didn't hate summer, but I was actually looking forward to it. But there was another thing I'd noticed. Having had such an inconsistent depression for so long, I was never able to relate the connection between my mental health and the music I listened to. I found myself drifting away from my favorite artists, and while I was heartbroken that they weren't my top artists anymore, I took it as a sign that I was finally doing better.

Another thing I took from this was that I wouldn't cry at my Pierce the Veil concert in May. I mean, how could I? Things had finally gotten better, and I no longer depended on them. I never thought I'd be so right yet so wrong.

The concert played my same two favorites, 'I'm low on gas and you need a jacket' and 'Hold on till May'. I broke down. I sobbed at the concert, more than I have at any other concert, even the concert from November. At the moment, it hit so hard. These were the songs I relied on when I was at my lowest. It's the reason why I no longer relied on weed and why I was even alive in the first place.

The realization hit like a train. It was so freeing to remember my past. Pierce the Veil was the only reason I was able to live to this point, of being able to experience joy. They carried me at my lowest so I could see my highest. 

It is such an unreal feeling. To know I wouldn't have been alive in that moment, if it wasn't for the very band in front of me. Despite sobbing so hard, I was still able to belt out the lyrics "Darlin' you'll be okay" Because for the first time, I knew that it was true. I would be okay. I WAS okay. I was living proof that it does get better.

They were words I didn't believe until then. The emotional attachment that I had to Pierce the Veil was so much more than I had realized. I was okay. I was finally okay. And the only reason I had the strength to live to see it all, was because of Pierce the veil.