anotha ranttt

im so done with the men in my life. they genuinely make me want to rip my hair out and scream my lungs out. i grew up with beautiful women in my life because a man couldn't step up and be a father. yes, you could say i have father issues. call me ignorant and selfish but i could never forgive someone that has wronged me my whole life. but its "your father, you can't change that" or "its his first time living". its always about understanding the other person but never understand how i feel because i didn't choose to be his daughter either. its my first time living too but i'm suppose to just forgive him? realistically, i can't do anything about it. whether i want to forgive or not, its human nature for that type of resentment to linger in your heart when the person doesn't acknowledge what they're doing. 

men are insecure and stubborn. they'll stay rooted in their "values" and when you call them out for it, they'll say its "intentionally" SO IT DOESNT FUCKING COUNT RIGHT??? 

he's so toxic and bipolar. one second we're laughing and he's sweet talking me then the next, he's telling me im deserving of any love.

 I also don't understand people that are so insensitive to whatever they say. Things just come out of their mouth but they don't actually realize how mean or rude they sounded. They have no sense of guilt. It actually baffles me how people just don't understand what they're saying. And when you say the same things to them when you're trying to be brutally honest, they get so offended, its incredible. 

I was talking to this guy about my father because he told me to trauma dump on him. He didn't care about how I felt about my father leaving me, he only cared about how vulnerable i was and how that boosted his ego. I wasn't looking for validation from this guy, I'm always being 100% real in the things I say. Yet with every bad thing I said about my father and how that affected me, he always had a reason to make me look dumb/support my father. EVERYTHING. EVERY FUCKING THING. 

Men actually scare me and im not trying to be like "OH LOOK AT ME. EW I HATE MEN. IM A FEMCEL" they genuinely scare and spook me out. I've found comfort with the women in my life, they just felt like home to me. 

xoxo, aisha <3