dealing with chemo

Dealing with chemo has been the hardest thing i have ever done, from losing every hair on my body to losing my eyebrows. When i lost my eyebrows my world started to crumble because I myself had lost control of everything i knew, it helped to have some hair on my eyebrows so i can make them as normal as possible . Funny thing is i woke up with eyebrows and by noon they had all fallen off And I was crying and loosing my shit wanting to pull my hair out and laughing in pain because what hair was i going to pull out? knowing i was gifted with cancer to be put up to a battle I was not sure what was to come of me during this fight of mine . A part of this fight of mine had to deal with Loosing a very special person of mine who i loved so dearly and i was so scared to love because who was going to love this monster i could possibly become. So i scared myself and pushed myself away when you would be so busy at work not worried about how i felt or even to send me some roses and would break my heart over and over again every time i thought about it so i put myself in a situation that i was comfortable with to feel my void, so i messed up and shouldnt have done what i done to get left 3 days before chemo :(