i don’t wanna relive childhood. i just wanna remember it.

i always think about childhood, not because i miss it or wanna go back, i just wanna remember it

i had so much fun growing up with my cousins and my siblings. we were always playing, doing pranks, laughing. but i barely remember anything

and that’s what makes me sad. not the fact that it’s over, but the fact that it’s blurry

the stuff i remember is the same stuff i’ve always remembered. like i remember it because i’ve talked about it a lot, not because it just came to me out of nowhere

and that’s what i want. i want those random memories to pop up again. i want to remember more. i know i’ve lived more. i’ve been to my grandma’s house so many times. i know there’s more moments. but i just can’t access them. and i hate that

it’s not like i have memory loss or anything. i just feel like i forgot the version of me back then. like parts of my personality that only showed up in certain moments and now they’re just gone

in elementary, the only thing i fully remember is the bullying. i think it’s just because i talked about it so much. but the fun? the small silly stuff? it’s not there because i didn’t keep talking about it

that’s why i always think i should journal. even if it’s just random stuff. because when i’m 30, i’ll want to know how i was feeling today, even if today felt boring

during quarantine i used to collect stuff. little things to remind me of certain days. i stopped for some reason. now it’s just pictures. and they don’t feel the same

so yeah. i don’t want to relive anything. i just want to remember it

does anyone else feel the same way?