digital journey entry ??? ₍^. .^₎⟆

26/05/2025 :: lenora's first entry :D

      sooo back in 2022, i was in staples w/ my mom looking at chairs(?) and i found a journal placed on top of a desk, in hindsight someone was probably saving it, but whatever. i picked it up and decided to start journaling since i have a really bad memory and i thought it would help me remember what has happened. 

      i can admit it really hasn't but it's still fun to look back on what's happened. for example, this 2022 instagram drama where in my small fandom, it was found that someone was completely fake. as in they weren't real and it turned into an entire saga where it turned out that there were 5 accounts in total with the scheme. fun times. 

      i ended up finishing the og staples journal and i haven't been consistent since. with the og journal, i would write every single day (or try to) whereas now i simply don't have the motivation to do that - to write my day and my thoughts down. in my discord server, i do but it isn't consistent and it's mainly me talking about my troubles. 

      i need to steer away from that negative energy since new name, new vibes ig. it makes more sense to me. i'm trying to be a better person however it's so difficult when you're exposed to meanness at home and battling with identity issues. i hope all of this is making sense. it makes sense to me and i guess that's what truly matters, right? right. 

       anyways: how has my day been? i've been primarily in my basement painting the walls after the paid painter did a horrible, horrible job. it was okay. tiring. i liked painting on the wall, though. but i am a silly artist sooo. i enjoyed the experience for the most part besides when my mom yelled at me because i wasn't doing the job, that i just learned, correctly. it's so frustrating being scolded for something you didn't even mean to do. i dunno. i completely understand being angry and frustrated but taking it out on others without an explanation or apology has always been so weird to me. a few days ago my friend asked me a question and i yelled "YES!" at him. now i didn't mean to at all, but at least i apologized and explained why i did that. like it isn't hard. i still feel terrible. though i've always been an emotional person.

      now this isn't the only time my mom has done this kind of stuff as it's what occurs much, much too often. with me yelling at my friend for asking me something, i realized that it is not normal to be yelled at or scolded for the littlest actions or words. again, i understand exploding but it is not hard to explain yourself, lol. i feel so weird for writing all of this out since i feel like i'm complaining. of course i'm grateful for my life and what i have and able to do with it, however i despise this part of it. i have a very bipolar relationship with my mom and i think i always have. it isn't normal to be told off or screeched at. 

      uhm, away from the negativity -- since i finished up my work with the basement i had to ask my brother regarding his scholarship that he asked me about, but he was satisfied with what he already figured out so whatever. tomorrow i'm going to king's island with my friends and i'm so excited but so, so scared. i've always hated rollercoasters even if i've never been on one. i hate the concept. i hate the risks. but i guess risks are everywhere we go. either way i'm excited to be with friends, in a different friend group than the one i had yelled at earlier. i packed up a little bag with stuff i need(?), like chapstick or perfume (i hate dry lips & feeling like i smell bad.) i'm currently charging a power brick for the trip. i'm nearly positive it's 10 hours </3. the power brick should have at least 10 hours on it. but then again i doubt we would need all of it since my silly friends are responsible enough to charge their devices :). aaaa i'm so excited just typing this!!! 

      i will definitely have to update. i think i like typing my thoughts out to a wall or a mystery reader. this is fun :3. 

~ lenora