first blog entry

hi to whoever ends up reading this (might be me in a few years. if it is, i'm sorry in advance. i know this is probably really weird to read).

my name is dustin but you probably already knew that. dustin is actually my middle name, or it will be when i get it changed. i turn 18 in 12 days, that's kinda strange. i've only ever been a kid (obviously) so i feel like being an adult will be really weird. i'll have to pay taxes and if i commit some kind of crime they'll try me like an adult. in a way it feels nice to be at this point in my life, i'm 17, i just finished high school, i have my graduation ceremony in five days. in another though, i feel like there's so much stuff i haven't done. i didnt really get to have a lot of friends in high school. all of the friends i had all go to my old school. i had to start over in a new town just a little bit into my sophomore year and i ended up going to a really small school. i don't really feel like i fit in, i feel like the character in all the movies that everyone likes but nobody is really friends with. i kinda drifted my way through high school and i lived. sometimes i get jealous of my friends and my boyfriend because they all have these friend groups that hang out all the time and i'm lucky if i get to hang out with any of my friends at least once a year. majority of my friends are online friends. i was in 7th grade when the pandemic happened so i kinda feel like that stunted my social abilities...

i always kinda grew up around weird stuff and weird people so that part of life doesn't scare me. most strange people have a real interesting story. i can talk it up with just about anyone, but i get really anxious when i have to talk to people for school or work, like i'm gonna make some big mistake. people at my school scared me because a lot of them could be really judgemental and i really like music, video games and my ocs, but it's not even the subjects that they find weird though, it's how much i know about each of them and how fully enveloped i get into them.

i love non-conformity. i've always had this sense of rebellion, this urge to do the opposite of what someone tells me. i think society is a bunch of bullshit curated by capitalism to keep people hating themselves and buying shit to make them try to hate themselves less. from my experience, americans love two things; money and made up rules. combine those two and you get western societal and economic expectations!

anyway, i think i've run out of stuff to talk about. i'll blog later (maybe). bye!

- dustin