Report Blog Entry
You know, sometimes my thoughts and feelings especially are too much to handle that I genuinely need to take a pause and put my hand over my chest and try to breathe, hoping somehow my heart would just calm down!
My own emotions truly, really suffocate me. So intense, whenever I feel love, hate? anger, fear or sadness. It physically hurts my chest; they can get so intense then I get tremendously overwhelmed- over stimulated with my own self, it's scary. I'm scared to feel most of the time because I feel everything way too deeply no matter how minor or major the reason.Â
Its draining. It tires me out, feeling everything so deeply in this way but my body does it despite my unwillingness. I can't control it. I don't know how to tone myself down.
It is those times especially. When my emotions clog my throat, actually making it hard to breathe as if my body is too small to hold it all in, to feel it all. Sweating, hands clammy with my heartbeat ringing in my ears very, very clearly and my thoughts feeling like static behind my wide-open eyes, as if I'll explode or crack open maybe even vomit if I see no way out.
I hate it because I don't always remember to put my hand on my chest and breathe. I become so vulnerable, so easily breakable, letting it erupt out of me like how the gas in soda cans bubble up in the liquid and gush out as soon as you crack open the lid.
Remind me I'm alive, I'm breathing, stop thinking and my heart is here beating.
 I may be as self-aware as I claim to be because I know I am, I know feeling emotions this deeply can be a good thing especially for the people around me but that just depends on the emotion really. its inside out if they were themselves but x10 more extreme!Â
I can't control it, so I've accepted it as part of who I am. I suck at explaining things verbally and especially when it comes to myself, I feel nonverbal but it's not because I can't speak but I just have nothing at the top of my head! and that especially goes to explaining how I'm feeling, but writing it, definitely is different. This is probably not making sense at this point!
I've always had a habit to either over explain or say nothing at all.
I have work tomorrow so I'm feeling kina bleugh ! I would've journaled this but this is basically the same/ish, nothing to worry about people feel like this all the time I guess? also I think my period is nearing... if it does come then I'm gonna be so humbled because I hate stereotypical stuff, not all the time but oh you know what I mean.
Note: Does anyone else relate?Â
- Em 🎀
Comments
Displaying 3 of 3 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
~kash register~
i feel the exact same. my feelings are so overwhelming. anger? i start crying. sadness? i start crying. and people dont take me seriously when im angry, because, well, im crying. and then when i try to explain, no one listens. its always an overexplanation or nothing, like how you wrote
but not trying to invalidate ur experience or anything! i know on a vent sometimes people take it as disrespectful when u say u relate!
by ~kash register~; ; Report
BULLET
If you don't know when your cycle is approaching or ending, it's worth paying attention to the moon's cycles and seeing when yours syncs up! Mine started after the last quarter and ended on the latest new moon. It's a really fun and practical way of tracking your cycle!
I've tried that! but actually, my cycle is pretty irregular, and I've went to check that out after I missed it for a very VERY long period of time and it came back and it was so deadly painful, I couldn't move, talk or do anything other than tremble! it was like my motor skills malfunctioned
all of a sudden, even my fingers were too stiff and numb. but they said that I just have to eat more but anyway that day was so traumatic I can't lie
by Em🌸; ; Report
They're insane. They told me the same thing. I know how to actually solve the problem and they got upset at me for suggesting I could heal myself.
by BULLET; ; Report
Autumn ⋰˚☆
I’m sorry this happens to you :( but I do want to say the way you write is so poetic! I was a little confused if this was a personal poem. I can’t give advice on how to deal with this sadly, but if you need anything Im here!
Oh thank you!! I’m flattered you think so
but yeah no it wasn’t my intention to make my little vent a poem hehe. And yes don’t worry I’m alright! Just wrote how I felt in the moment that’s all :) I’m grateful for you!
by Em🌸; ; Report