academics are not worth it

I’m now 18 as of a few weeks ago and I’ve just graduated highschool. I’m gonna be going to college in august about 3 hours away from home. I’m an honors student and have taken multiple ap classes and done so many extracurriculars. None of it was worth it. I’ve realized I have no true direction in my life, and it has caused disappointment and distraught to myself. I’ve realized how much of my life I’ve thrown into academics. At my graduation party, my cousins came over with guitars and started playing. I realized that I could have been following my passions. I hate how we have to choose between passions and academics. My parents are immigrants to the country and all I’ve ever wanted to do was to make them proud by going to a good college. When my cousins started playing songs, my parents beamed and were so happy. Did my parents want me to be happy, or did they want me to focus on education? I don’t know. I wish I spent more time doing the things I liked. Now, I am a high school graduate with 0 aim in my life. I feel so alone, and I have no true friends, no one to talk to, and no one I can hang out with. I am so unbelievably lost and confused. I did what I was supposed to do. Focus on yourself, you’ll get into college, nothing matters, do what you want. Enjoy your life and be happy.