im dropping out if this semester doesnt work out

been struggling with studying due to a lot of mental health issues that i got diagnosed with during my time at uni (BPD, PTSD, substance abuse). i am currently procrastinating studying, but i will do it today for realsies. and i hope to pass every final and the retake. i literally am only doing two courses and one retake so if i can't keep up with that, i am seriously going to drop out. it has been like three years of me taking the same courses and my mental healthy only getting increasingly worse. only this year i have been showing improvement by actually showing up to almost all of my classes and doing all the assignments and midterms so far. but the pressure is building and for some reason i want to self destruct. im smoking wayyy too much weed and spending too much time on my phone, even though i know especially being on my phone doesn't make me happy. and being in control of my life and doing my best for university does make me happy. like why did i have to go through a break up as well??? ugh. maybe there is a part of me that doesn't want me to thrive and wants to stay miserable.