Internet Diary??

Now that I've finished my first year of university, I need to find stuff to do over the summer, so I don't go insane. Maybe writing down my thoughts will help; I've wanted to journal for a while but never had the motivation to start. I think starting a sort of internet diary is a cool idea.

Starting with recent events, I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind a few days ago and it's definitely in my top 5 now. I watched it at like 1 in the morning and cried after; it was honestly really moving. I've been thinking about going to the park more because it's nice to be outside and enjoy the sun and the sounds of nature, and it would be nice to go for walks and read outside or something. 

Now for more inner thoughts (because I don't really have that much going on) since finishing with classes, I've felt pretty lonely, and I feel like it's really hard to make friends in college and I can't imagine being able to make friends after. I hope to be more active in making friends and interacting with people in my second year of university, but I'm always scared to come off as a loser and I think I care too much about what other people think of me. I feel really desperate for human connection but at the same time I'm too worried about how other people perceive me. I'm honestly really scared for the future, and I don't know how it's going to go, but maybe there's beauty in that in some way. I always feel like I'm just winging it and figuring out stuff as I go along, and I think everyone else might be doing that too. I don't think anyone really knows what they're doing ever, and it's pretty scary.

 Anyways, if you made it to the end of this ramble/yap, thanks :) I appreciate you and you are loved. (I don't think anyone will actually read all this but whatevv)