3am and nostalgic

i miss my childhood. it wasn’t perfect but i miss so much having no responsibilities... u know just going to school, dealing with silly childish problems and being innocent and unaware. i wish i could just play, even alone i wouldn't mind. and go on walks talking nonsense about nothing important. i miss not knowing how terrible the state of the world is and not caring about what tomorrow would bring. i miss being obsessed with unimportant things like games or movies. now it feels like i’m constantly fighting for my life and safety.

i miss my grandparents so so much. i miss my life with them. and i miss my mom back when she wasn’t always sad.

sometimes i think i’d love someone who would just let me be a child again... not in a weird immature way but in a way that would let me lower my guard and live mindlessly for a bit. to have a little fun, be left alone and be served mashed potatoes full of butter every day.

i want toys and plushies and hot chocolate and a blanket and dvds and no one reminding me of all the bad things.