Exam + A confession

Exam- I had an exam today. It went well. I took two paracetamol before it for my tooth and was panicking cuz I was only supposed to take one according to packaging but then I realised it was only 1000mg. The ten marker at the end was chill because we’d done it in a past paper before.

Confession- my friend who I’ll call Freya (not her real name). She is judgemental. She’ll call people ugly or fat. And I’ll agree with her for her approval. I feel like I depend on her sometimes. I agree just because she says it. If she hates someone, so do I. It’s exhausting sometimes. But her ideas shift, she stops hating someone but the person we used to hate together still hates me. I feel evil around her, with her. Freya made me insecure. 

“You can’t mew.” Back when that was a thing. “Double chin.” I hide my chin in pictures or when I look down. “Fat/Fatty.” We’re the same size. “You’re so short.” I’m nearly 14, AFAB and 5’5, that’s average! You’re just tall! “Pick me.” Sorry I called you tall. “Pick me.” Sorry when I get mad and try to call you out my volume gets a little louder. “Pick me.” Sorry for existing I guess. “Your legs are so short.” Okay? That’s not some I can control because of my long torso. “Your forehead is so big.” Okay. “Your fingers are so short.” I can’t control which of my parents fingers I get. “Your hair is so greasy.” I washed it yesterday. “Your hair is ginger in the light.” It’s dirty blonde. You’re the reason I hate myself, if you ever see this.