just complaining like a toddler

 i’ve never felt at home anywhere, and i really don’t want to go back to the old city where i spent almost all my childhood. i’d hate it. but my mom and i have no one to help us. we’re like if orphans had a family that didn’t care about them. we can only count on ourselves. 

there’s this neighborhood i love and just the thought of never walking there (let alone live there) makes me really sad. lol even earlier today someone sent me a picture of a really beautiful place and it made me feel sad too (im sensitive as hell). i just want a nice place to call home.

if it were up to me i’d love to live in the countryside but i don’t have a car and rely a lot on public transportation so i dont even mind settling for the outskirts of the capital city. the one i’m in now is just perfect and i’ve never felt this way about any other place before.

also i’m just exhausted, i can’t keep moving in and out again and again. i want it to stop for good. i can’t plan anything or imagine a long-term future because i’m always restarting life from zero. growing up i didn’t think much about it but now it just gives me anxiety.

rent is insanely high and people fight over the cheapest flats (which are still expensive). anyway things aren’t looking great and its not even our fault. i keep smiling and pretending i’m fine because i don’t have the luxury to fall apart (if i do we’ll be in a really bad place).

but anyway thank god and let’s keep going.