DAILY YAP NUMBER 9!!! (this is probably one of my longest and emotional blogs yet)

Make sure to listen to radiohead while reading this to get the full experience of my mood /j

(This is not required LOL)

Graduation

Today i graduated from middle school. it was exciting and it made me emotional to see all my friends acheive what they wanted to acheive from the start. Im gonna miss watching and observing people from afar. im gonna miss my friends who are going to different schools next year. Im excited to see new people who are coming to my school and hopefully i can be friends with them. It was a really great year this year, it had its ups and downs but i had alot of fun. I lost some friends and gained some friends. I dont thinjk its really that deep, Maybe its just because im listening to radiohead, but i feel nostalgic and sad to graduate but i also feel happy.

My Future and Goals

Im really not sure what i want to do in the future, theres so much to do but nothing at all at the same time. Im excited to go to college. Ive already started looking at colleges because i know the future 4 years is gonna pass by fast, just like the past 3 years have passed. Im planning on going to college in germany. Before i go to any college, im planning on taking a gap year to visit my friends, spend time with my family, and think about my future and if i really DO want to do college in germany. I wanted to major in foresensic, and i found a school that has criminology and thats close enough.  (yet im still looking so there may be schools that do have forensics) Im so excited for my forensics elective next year!!! i hope i get in the class!!! I decided that my minor will be theatre/theatre production because ive always wanted to direct movies or be in one. I wanna see really cool edits of myself on tiktok, who doesnt? I wanna be the cool celebrity that interacts with their fanbase alot and has fun. and also, money, and like, i want to be able to share my stories that ive came up with to entertain and make other people happy. im working on a story right now and i might make a comic or just write about it. Its gonna be the type of story that doesnt have a happy ending, why you may ask? Well... Its because i feel like it. 

Besides doing forensics and movies. I wanna be a professional photographer. Nature is so beautiful and i love to enjoy it. I wanna take jaw dropping pictures (i already do sometimes but it'd be cool if i can get money for it so i can get even BETTER equipment.) Right now i have a camera from 2010 (i think its from 2010) and for some reason the camera quality is so much better than my phone???? but anyways. I think id enjoy photography alot, and if theres still a photography club at my school, i'll show up to it.

ANOTHER thing i wanna do on the side is something ive always wanted to do. Music!!!! I love music and it has GREATLY impacted my life. I cant live laugh and love without music. Theres so many ways ive conncected to so many people with music, my teachers, friends,. its my go-to conversation starter when i make new friends, its helped me alot and i can never understand people who DONT like music. I play bass and i hope to join a band some day, if not, i'll just create my own music in FL studio. I want to make an impact on someone's life, a good one. And i want to do that through music. Infact im gonna go play my bass when im done writing this. But anyways. I hope to get better soon and i find some inspo for lyrics. Maybe i'll ask some other new musicians if they want to collab, I work better in a team. I hope i'll make it big.

Friends and my Crush

It sucks that my crush isnt going to the same school next year. but he got into one of those really cool shcools so im proud of him. im gonna miss watching himin the hallway and admiring him from across the lunchroom. My friend tells me hes so ugly but i couldnt care less, hes magnificent in my eyes, like.. idk how to explain, thats how mind boggling he is. i have his phone number which is good so we can still keep in touch. Im so crazy about him. Ive had mini crushes here and there but I dont think ive ever loved someone this much in my life, and i mean it. I have a small bit of hope but i dont think he'd like someone like me. Im head over heels for him. (oh my goshe..? tears for fears ref??) Dont even get me started on his looks, my gosh, hes so beautiful. Probably one of the most beautiful man i met, inside and out. i love his hooked nose, i love his cheesy smile, i love his mustasche that hes growing, i love his lips, i love his cute side-parted hair, i love how his wrist looks when he wears the bracelet i made him, i love seeing him in clothes other than the school uniform, i love to look at him. His personality is so cute, i love his awkwardness and his kindness, hes very truthful and trustworthy. I love how we have the same interests (video games, pokemon cards, music, etc..) gosh It feels like a hand is grabbing my heart and squeezing it tighter and tighter, the more i think about him, the more i feel like my heart is going to burst. I wish i didnt have such a huge crush on him. I yearn for him. i have been for 3 years. The worst part is that he probably doesnt even think deeply of me. Its not like we're the closest ever. Hes a friend..He probably just thinks of me as just someone he met and not someone he truly knows. Though, he is one of the greatest people ive ever met. If i dont ever get together with him. I hope i'll meet someone like him in the future. No matter who i date. He will have a special place in my heart for the rest of my life. I'll love him forever even when/or if we part and go our seperate ways. I'll give an update if anything happens between him and i.

Im so proud of my friends for making it this far. Im so proud of J. I know he has gone through alot and im proud of him for toughing it out. He doesnt think it but hes a great person who has made a impact on my life. I call you annoying or whiny because i love you, i care for you and sometimes words like that is how i express my affection because its already so hard for me to open up. its good that im writing this blog. but anyways. J. Im proud of you for making it this far, im proud of you making it through this year just barely, im proud of you for the man you've become. Your family may not be proud of you, but I am, ive never been more prouder to be your friend and seeing you graduate this year made me emotional. I do hope you get to stay at this school. I love you J.

Im proud of my friend's N, Jy, L, A, G, El, Et, Ei, Eias. Im proud of the person they've become and im proud of them for making it this far in life. I know that they are gonna make a great impact on this world and society. N, L, El, G, A. I hope that going to seperate schools doesnt make us strangers. 

Online Friends

Im proud of my online friends Serj junior, Sky, Jack, Ronnie, and basshunter.

Im proud of my amazing wife serj junior for making it this far no matter the struggles he has gone through. I hope you get better friends, i hope your situation that happpened recently gets better and i wish you luck. I hope i get to meet you soon. afterall, we're literally next to eachother (in terms of states.) I cant wait until im able to drive, the first thing on my list will be to see you! your the best serj junior. Meeting you was the best birthday present ive ever gotten. i love youuuu <3

Im so proud of Sky, She is one of the best online friends ive met. Shes kind and i hope she only gets happiness and joy in her life. I wish her great luck in the future. I like how through our ups and downs, we still managed to stick together. ily sky and i hope maybe one day we can see eachother in person. we should create ocs together again! :) love u :3

Im so proud of basshunter. Though we may not speak that much, its okay. i know what you go through and i understand completely. im proud of you for making it this far. I enjoy creating lore with our ocs and when i do make a movie or comic with them, i'll make sure to give you some of the paycheck one way or another because you've made a huge impact. And you deserve to be regonized for the hard work you put into your ocs and art. I love you and take care of yourself for me,, <33

Im proud of you ronnie, your a really great friend and your super fun to talk to. your like an older sister to me, your pretty frigging cool. Thank you for supporting my ocs, it means alot to me that you really like them (especially amp) Thank you for dealing with my sad oc lore all the time and thank you for being my friend, you rock!!! i love u bro :333

Jack. Where do i begin? im proud of you and you surely are a interesting person. I dont even know what to say. I guess i'll start with, thank you for always being there for me when i needed it. Im sorry for all the times i was rude and inconsiderate, its mostly because at the times i was going through things. I want you to know that i do love you alot and i hope you get a cool job and the dream car that you want. ilysm and i look forward to the day we meet eachother in person. Thanks for sticking with me all this time.

Family

I want to thank my dad and mom and grandparents for supporting me as much as they do.

im proud of my dad for losing the weight that he wanted to lose. im proud of my mama for the effort she puts into maintaing the house and dealing with my brother.

I dont have much to say about my brother. I want to say im proud of him but there isnt much to be proud about. I hope he gets his life together soon. I hope he realizes to appreciate my mom more and try to atleast spend more time with her, before its too late.

im proud of my grandma and grandpa for acheiving the goals that they wanted to accomplish in life. im grateful to have them. 

Loss

No one really likes to lose people but is just apart of life. I spent alot of time worrying and being sad about how my parents or pets wont be around forever. But i realized its just apart of life, and instead of being gloomy all the time about it, i should spend the moments i have with them and make great memorys. It'll hurt alot when i lose them. but atleast i'll have the memorys of all the time i spent with them.

Lyrics that really resonates with me (in order)

"One day i am going to grow wings" - let down, radiohead

"You never know just how you look through other people's eyes" - butthole surfers, pepper

"And you dont know how long i could stare into your picture and wish that it was me." - Tv girl, not allowed

"Living is easy with eyes closed" - the beatles, strawberry fields forever

"I dont care what you think, unless it is about me" - nirvana, drain you

"I just want you to know that i dont hate you anymore, there is nothing i can say that i havent thought before" - nirvana, serve the servants

Thursday May 22, 2025

8:38pm