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sometimes, believe it or not, i experience little moments of…contentment. little moments that feel like how the rest of my life should feel. but whenever i do, once it’s over, it leaves me with an even greater sense of grief, because i know that i’m still so far away from where i want -- no, need -- to be. i wonder, if i’m allowed to experience this, this good, simple food or good, simple music, for a moment, why am i being tantalized with…moments, in a metaphysical prison where i don’t have autonomy? and why do i even get the privilege of tantalization, if there are places on our consensus Earth right now where people are being forcibly starved to death, a little bag of flour a miracle now. we’re so far away from where we need to be. we’re so far away...
simple pleasures
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Dreamarachnid
Yeah, I remember when I first started to feel things. There was such a sick sense of anger and resentment in my chest for a year or two after (and sometimes there still is). I was so fucking angry that other people could feel joy, community, love, peace, warmth, but I had nothing. This was for no good reason, just the apathy of the universe, and the negligence and cruelty of other humans, but no good reason. When you start to heal, and you will start to heal, that hole slowly shrinks. You start to learn to live in the positive moments more, and they stop hurting so much. You start to understand others and their fear more, and you can use that fear to motivate people towards love, and towards organization, instead of away from it.
i'm not only feeling the anger on my own behalf.
by benny // whalefall; ; Report