Erm

Okay so Firstly my Roblox account got terminated and I’m pissed because I’ve spent a shit ton of money on that, they won’t accept my fucking appeals.

Secondly my school thinks I have autism. I don’t want autism. This is so shit man. I hate this. But I kind of want to know if I actually have it because I don’t want to wonder if I have it and worry myself for no reason than not know.

Thirdly I have an LLW exam tomorrow, I was 3% away from an A* on my mock so I think I’ll be fine.

Fourthly as always dysphoria kills. Scissors have been eyeing my arms. That last part kind of sucks since I haven’t done it since like October or November.

Fifthly I keep day dreaming about abandoning my entire family and everything I know because I dislike them a lot and just starting over and being stealth trans in a city like Nyc or maybe some place up in that area and just living. I hate the loneliness of the countryside. I have a good life. I don’t know why I hate everything, including myself.

Sixthly I’ve been really loving Law and Order: special victims unit atm. Nothing special, just wanted to add that.

Seventhly I asked to borrow the girl in my friend group who I don’t like’s (I’ll call her Pibble) scissors at break, she then got really defensive and mad, we kept asking why she wouldn’t give them to me and she started saying “I don’t trust you with them.” Mf they’re scissors ??? She kept questioning and she then said smth about her fake laughing when I called her Jabba the Hutt in a Star Wars book at the school library, girl???? Just say if you don’t like something?? You were smiling and shit. Don’t act like a goofy ass cartoon character “not all laughs are real some are fake.” Whose 2020 Gacha oc is this? All this over a pair of scissors? Lmao.

Eighthly I kinda stood up to my friend who kind of bullies me. So we were told to get into groups of three in my HE class (split class) and I went with her and male friend. We were told to choose roles, I chose role 2 (aggressive shopper or smth) and she wanted the easiest one, suddenly she started begging for my role??? (Male friend chose role one which was assertive) last role left was passive. BUUUUT I firmly said “No (Friend).” A few times and she was huffing a bit but I was so proud of myself.

Lastly on the topic of my kind of bully friend (I’ll just call her Freya, not real name) so Freya and me have been touchy since like the start of this school year. She also constantly jokes about being lesbian when she’s extremely straight and it’s been sending me mixed messages and confusing me even though I’m a closeted transmasc and am bi with a little preference for men (Dw ladies I still like y’all). Okay besides the lesbian thing the touching thing: it kind of started off as a joke but I’m trying to pull away. Yet Freya continues to. Simply because she thinks it’s funny when she touches my thighs or waist and I quote, “tweak out.” I am always a bit surprised/shocked when she does it and sometimes loudly say “No!” Or “Stop!” This is funny to her. I fear one day she’ll get too confident and will go too far.