If this was a diary ... I would vent away every last detail that has been happening to me. I would finally let out all the things I have held in, bottled up, and never truly go to heal over... So many years. I would let out all the things racing in my mind right now. But this isn't a diary. And I am too much of a coward.. to vent anything. Plus who am I? No one special. I'm just a girl who hasn't done anything to be heard. Especially with things like that. Its my trauma, my chemical imbalance, my emotions and thoughts. Its my burden, and I don't want to vent and feel even more selfish for that... I honestly want to disappear. Just go away ..
Close my eyes and sleep. Not feeling, not dreaming, no thoughts, no voices, no anything. I want to .. not feel this way anymore. I want so bad to be ... Okay....
One day I'll be ok ...
Not today ..
Probably not soon ...
And I know I'll always struggle, and I'll have bad times, and ill have manic times.
But .. even in the chaos of this thing called my life ...
I know at some points... I will be and feel okay.
I just wish i was right now.
If anyone actually read this ... I hope you have a good night.
Thanks... For reading me...
Sincerely 🖤💕
~•°.nikki.
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