DONT HAVE TO READ THIS IS A VENT $_$

I know I literally just put a happy "I'm back" post but I have to get this off my chest before I end up telling someone I'm not supposed. This is different from my happy posts about Hatsune Miku or enjoying smth or anything like that so you really don't have to read unless your curious<3

I was homeschooled for something I didn't even do l, I was just in the crossfire :( I thought I would enjoy it, do work on my own time, more time for projects, less stress, but it was all but the opposite. I can't even look at my school work without a huge amount of dread overwhelming me to the point where I want to cry thinking of disappointing my parents.my friends never talk to me and my parents banned social media and having online friends cause they are scared I'm gonna get kidnapped by like a 45 year old dude. I don't have any projects and even when I start something remotely creative I get burnt out incredibly fast and start trashing on myself thinking about how bad I am, the more I spend time with my family because I have no one else, the more I never want to talk to any of them when I turn 18 and move to the other side of the country. I put on a demeanor and do weird things or mannerisms I don't even know because my social skills are becoming non existent, I'm accidentally spilling things or telling my step mom things I shouldn't because she is the closest person who I can tell family stuff to, do you know how you talk to friends about your family sometimes because they aren't connected and have a outsiders point of view and a straight opinion? I crave that. And I have no one because none of my so called friends apparently care about me anymore because they never answer or care about anything I say even when I'm desperately trying to reach out because I'm so godamn sick of the isolation and feeling like I'm crazy. And the anxiety and just pure stress whenever I'm at my moms house most of the time having to take care of my baby brother and he has severe anger issues because of how horrible my stepdads parenting is, he's always streaming and on his computer to the point where if my baby brother says he is hungry multiple times and gets angry my stepdad will yell he's being loud and he (stepdad) gets angry so fast for seemingly no reason that my baby brother has the same issue but I can't tell my mom because I'm too scared I'll ruin their relationship, i feel really bad for my mom because her life has been crazy and my stepdad makes her happy and I can't ruin that she deserves to be happy. My stepdad isn't necessarily a bad person and he would never hit me or my siblings (besides spanking my little brother) that's just how he was raised. He is the kind of person that says things like "I don't need to say please I'm the parent" "Your being super disrespectful I'm the adult your the kid don't talk like that" " Don't hit me I'll hit you back (to my 3 YEAR OLD little brother" I honestly can't stand it like sometimes we get along really well it's just his ego is bigger than his will to get along. Because I don't have really any friends and I spend time alone, everytime I look in the mirror I see something different and I can't help but think of myself as ugly or undesirable even though I know I'm not unattractive I always have that voice Oh your teeth are sooo yellow, God your eyebrows are so thick, Your hair is greasy everyone thinks your disgusting, but everyone has insecurities so I don't feel like I have a right to complain.

WHOOOO sorry guys I had to tell someone I'm not really In a good headspace right now and I have a ton of more problems but I'm not just going to dump them on the Internet for a bunch of strangers so this is probably going to be the last big vent I'm ever going to do, this may or may not be deleted later LOVE YA GUYS (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) I'm really sorry