About Growing Up

This goes to everyone who is graduating, starting a job or is in University or College...

Or literally anyone who is struggling with this thing called growing up!

Hello dear diamonds in the rough (yes this is both an Aladdin & Blue Lock refence)

A lot of 19-year-olds I have met on here seem to be struggling with this so here is my advice from my experience in the matter!

YES! it definitely feels like I have more responsibilities now, because I do but that doesn't mean I can't do the stuff that I love, you just gotta have a little time management and managing all that did not come with ease but it takes time to have one that suits your daily life and later but surly it'll work out for you! 

It doesn't mean that I stopped watching anime & barbie! it doesn't mean that I stopped buying stuffed toys and sleeping with them, wearing cute colors of clothing, playing games and hanging out with friends! 

I still do all of that! The only difference is that I'm busy. It means I have to create time for myself, create a balance that works for ME, it doesn't have to make sense because it is for me! and it makes sense to me. 

I hated science growing up. Ever since I gained my first thought and was conscious of it, I wanted so bad to live and drown in music, so many video tapes of little me singing, harmonizing with my mother as my father plays tunes on every instrument he knows how to play! all I ever wanted was to be a musician, more specifically a pianist! it was the instrument my father most played on during my childhood. He would teach me some basics as I sat on his lap, and he would record me as I sing my favorite songs on our mic.

 We had so much equipment for music in our small flat, most were my mom's as she used to perform in local shows before I started growing up so she would record herself singing. I know she sometimes still yeans for the stage, but she always and always tells me that the greatest gift that God granted her was me and my little sister. she truly never regretted everything that happened to us because she had us and it was enough.

Every time I got the chance to, at school, I remember participating in anything that involved music, singing, dancing, the many tapes of me on stage with many others!

My dad told me that he was saving for me getting into a music club. He saw my potential I knew he did. I finally will be able to get vocal and piano lessons!

But then it happened. Blow after blow life kept throwing at us. In one night. All my wishes and dreams that were once huge fires burning in my heart, blew. out.

And in many nights after that, my hopes in humanity simmered down, slowly but surely. 

Until one night, crushed it into bits, until it is nothing but like the ashes many people end up as. It continued to crush down impossibly further after that night, all until.                                             I've lost myself. 

Along the way I also fell in love with writing, though when it came to choosing my career, I was in a tight spot, I needed a practical job that pays well- our currency is a bit high, so everything is expensive. Even if I wanted to back then, I really didn't have a choice. Because it was even a blessing that I was even able to get into university. 

I was 17 freshly graduated and nothing mattered anymore I just needed to get into college, I NEEDED the sponsorship, I NEEDED a guaranteed chance of working right after graduation and I NEEDED anything that could help me be able to support my mother and sister.

There were nights in my room that I felt like I wasn't good enough, or that I was falling behind or that how I'm missing out of my lost potential. 

For so so long I thought about the what ifs and about how I have so much more potential, so much more to me. I was growing old, growing up way too fast, I prayed and prayed "Dear God I swear to you that I could give so much more, my soul could be so much more, and my being is still ripe and able, I can become so much more than I am now."

it's not the end of the world. Picking what you want to study, or work is not- like you genuinely do not know what the future holds for you! like yeah I'm working as a nurse right now but it doesn't meant that like "oh that's all, I'll end up here for the rest of my life till I retire" like no! it doesn't mean that I can't save up to go for music lessons and it doesn't mean that I can't start writing a book and look for a publishing house to publish it. 

Success? Self-satisfaction? THAT. TAKES. TIME. 

For God's sake nobody is rushing you! take things at your own pace! move your butt! Plan your future! and WORK ON IT and when I say that I don't mean oh I wanna become a CEO next year. NO, plan the STEPS into achieving what you desire!!!

Because news flash! Life is unfair, dreams change, and people grow. People grow. YOU CAN GROW. You can adapt; you can improve.

Never in my life did I expect myself to be working as a nurse the idea never even crossed my mind until I actually did it. Unexpectedly I grew to be passionate about it but that doesn't mean that this will be my end. I have my whole life ahead of me, so many experiences that I have yet to hop onto.

What I realized is that in the real world, when you fail? You can literally just try again. If it's not working out for you? Try a different approach. It's not for you? Stay away from it.

Set your mind into it. Plan your approach and most importantly, give yourself breaks. Have a self-care night, journal, paint, play, go take walks, go shopping, spend time with some friends. You deserve rest and it's okay to fail and make mistakes, we're only human and the best we can do is up to us! Be mindful and have hope.

Most importantly have fun, the fuck?! No one's ever too old to have fun! LIVE. Dwelling on regrets won't change anything! Focus on the things you CAN control in your life. It's all easier said than done darlings... But success won't BE success without hard work, difficulty & TIME.

Note: I Truly hope this somehow helped someone! Let me know if anyone needs any help or has any questions about anything at all! Everyone can message me! 

-Em (^з^)-☆