I love the idea of a chosen family, but...

I love the idea of a chosen family, but I no longer feel like I have one. As this pandemic goes on, I've realized that the people in my life (mostly) don't regard me nearly as important as I regard them. A few months ago, I thought that maybe, I had a strong support system and that maybe these people could be the family that I never had. That's all since fallen apart, and I do understand. Covid-19 has sucked the life out of all of us, but I still find myself pulling away from every single person in my life. I can't think of one person that I consider family anymore, and maybe I should be alright with that. It hurts though, because I know I'm the emotional trainwreck that blips on their radar every now and then but I adored these people far too much, and sometimes I wonder if I should have just left them all alone. This has all proven how horribly lonely I've been all these years, and the less than stellar people I've clung to because nobody else ever wanted me around. I've proven that all I do is wallow in self pity and maybe they've finally had enough. I don't know if I'll ever know for sure. Maybe, if I step away from them I can come back one day down the line and prove that I had so much more potential than they ever believed I did.