Please tell me how my book is coming along!

So I am trying to write a book currently and this is just a rough draft of the first two chapters so feel free to be harsh and point out my mistakes! 

Prologue 

In the world there are about 8.2 billion people. All with different looks, jobs, thoughts, interests, and more. We all live on this planet together working to keep the economy running and be happy. But what is a human? What connects us together, is the thing that makes us all the same species and what separates us as humans. Is it what we are scientifically made of, or how our thoughts come together. Maybe it's our ideals or the food we eat. Humans are difficult to understand and no matter how hard we try we may just never be able to fully understand each other. 

In the book “No Longer Human” written by Osamu Dazai it is a story following a man named Oba Yozo and tells how he doesn't feel human a bit due to his thoughts and feeling being nowhere near everyone around him. If people would call Oba Yozo human after reading his story then we might as well qualify pigs or monkeys as human. Both monkeys and pigs have similar genetic factors; they just don't think like humans. 

If emotions were what  made our species qualify as human then what emotion makes us human? 

Chapter 1

In my life all I have caused is confusion, anger, sadness, and more I constantly have questions regarding myself. Am I a bad person?, do i act spoiled?, do people hate me?, all these questions yet no answers but now i can guarantee i am a spoiled girl. 

Throughout my life I am always looking at things to want, things to spend time on in order to get. I often find myself wanting more and more each passing day not even thinking it through. Therefore I have no doubt that I am the biggest spoiled person alive. 

I always think that it is terrible for people to take from others yet not return anything yet I do it all the time and feel sick about it. If someone hated me I'd believe they have every reason to harbor such negative feelings towards me. I do all these bad deeds yet when I am punished I feel it's not fair or I don't even care about it and I never learn. I repeat every mistake over again so I don't understand it when people say everyone learns from their mistakes so why don't I ever learn from my mistakes? 

Maybe the part in my brain where most humans use to recover from their mistakes is missing.

 If I make a habit I can tell you it is never the good kind. Usually people make habits of waking up on time or brushing their teeth, maybe even taking showers, but not me. The habits I make are looking around for what? No clue. Or playing with needles in my sight (which I always carry at least one on me for some unknown reason..) I am always forgetting such basic things like doing my work, cleaning my room. My room is always a mess no matter how good it gets cleaned. Checking the time is also one of my odd habits. No matter what, I will check the time somehow even if I don't intentionally mean to. If I'm waiting for something my checking of time is more frequent but if I'm not waiting for anything it only happens every 30 minutes or so. So along with my greed I am also impatient don't those two go together so well? I guess you could say I'm quite the grasping figure. 

Now these traits are to be expected of a spoiled girl however what truly makes these traits despicable is the fact that i can't even be proud of them. In front of any person who has any authority and power over me I feel nothing but fear. I will cheat them, steal, disobey, and more but when it actually comes down to them confronting me I can't speak. There's such a strong barrier in myself that keeps me from speaking. At times i can have so much confidence, practically boiling over with ego yet when it comes to a person with authority to me i cant speak i only bite my lip shaking with fear and hope the tears dont come through my eyes.

 Now when I do start crying, that is when I look human for having the emotions of regret and sadness and some embarrassment but not even while I'm crying I can't help but feel these tears mean nothing and I wish I could turn back time not to fix my mistake, but to cover it up better. I feel anger at the smallest things (though I hide it in my thoughts behind a mask) yet I don't come to reason why someone else may be frustrated. Maybe my lack of empathy makes me different from any other human. In my thoughts I am a snake, always thinking bad about every single thing almost like a judge even though I never speak my real opinion. In some things I can't even find the slightest flaw such a beauty that should be perfect to everything else yet others will find it to have many errors or mistakes and some things much better than it.

 Why can't I see what they see? Why can't I think how they think? Why can't I do what they do? Why can't I be them? Jealousy is natural for me in the smallest things. Problems, items, feelings, speech, anything and everything to find better than me i feel jealousy yet instead of giving a nasty look or a remark of negativeness i do the opposite. I congratulate them and spoil them with compliments letting them relish their happiness being unbeknownst to my despair. I am always consumed by uneasiness, fear, despair, sickness, yet I always experience it wearing the mask of a smile to my comrades.

Chapter 2

I hate my days in school. The chairs are always uncomfortable and the desks are far too close. I can't see what's on  the board half of the time because I always break my glasses. I don't like the color of the classrooms either. Everything is white the floors, the eiling, the walls, the desks, the blinds. My eyes hurt just thinking about them.

 The students there are quite interesting though. I wouldn't say they have the best sense of style but the way they act is fun to watch. Always cursing and talking about others rudely which i don't see the point in. If you don't like someone you should just act as if they simply don't exist instead of acknowledging them. If I don't like someone I just act like they are a bad book. I don't listen or talk to them, just simply stare.

Most of my teachers say I have a tendency to take myself out of the classroom as if I don't interact with anyone. I find that to not be true. I don't talk much in the classroom because it's disrespectful. I don't want to talk while doing my work, so I can't do my work properly.If we're doing a group project and I'm not talking it's because I don't know what to say. With these people who I barely know, I don't know what to talk about. I don't pay attention to any of the student dramas and I'm not interested in what they like so what do I talk about? I'd rather just put on a smile and act friendly.

 I'm not particularly rude to anyone. I get skiddesh when I'm near the popular boys in my class because I think they are really obnoxious and loud which I particularly don't like their snobby attitudes. They don't care for how anyone feels and they don't understand how I get uncomfortable with them. I'm just thankful they don't often look at me. 

The girls in all of my classes are nice. I don't understand what they talk about but it sounds like they are awfully busy with people's antics. They treat me like a little kid which I don't particularly dislike. It makes it easier to just smile. They often wave to me saying hello and if I have any pencils that they need i do let them borrow them sometimes so they ask me for pencils a lot which I don't mind.

 The teachers are complicated. I think they are irritated with me because my grades are always poor but my behaviour in class isn't bad so they don't really have a problem with me a lot. Some teachers are really strict and intimidating, making me want to cry while others don’t pay much attention to me during class or make my presence be important, which is fine and those teachers are usually nice to students.

 I hate the award  ceremony and i'm sure others have this hatred as well. Why do they force all the kids who haven't gotten any awards to watch other people get awards because school is easy for them? I haven't gotten an award in forever yet I do try my best in school. How is it my fault i dont understand everything? Some of my teachers don't even teach properly!