choosing

Tweaking rn bruh need to yap ong can NOT let anyone know ts irl "u were barely raised like that!" they rubbed my skin raw don't talk to me I know he is real I know they all are their eyes burning into my skin and I beg for the purity I will never know HOWEVER! I don't believe its there I KNOW but like really? aren't I just an alien on a planet watching videos waiting out my time with games and hobbies that will stretch out my lifespan knowing I might only make it to twenty. I lay in my bed remembering the prayers I repeated merely a year ago begging and waiting like a dog being teased with a treat, everything I want are achievable and I got many of the things I wanted by myself, no prayers for it BUT WHEN I ASK AND REACH OUT THEY IGNORE NO MATTER HOW TIRED I AM, I WILL ALWAYS REPEAT THAT PRAYER THAT IS BURNED INTO MY MEMORY BEFORE I CLOSE MY EYES EXPECTING TO WAKE THE NEXT MORNING. THAT CROSS IS JUST A SYMBOL OF WHAT KEEPS MY HUMANITY GIVING ME MORALS AND PURPOSE MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE PURE BUT I WILL KEEP FOLLOWING THE ROUTINE. I WAKE AND WONDER WHY MY YOUNG LIFE FOR INJBDBDBHHBDBHD HLIJl, why would I be rejected for something that is not my fault and tried my hardest, I do not want to be punished for not being good enough and my attempts not working.