how do you stop thinking about your teacher?

im a young girl, and im aware that i have no idea what love is. it's really obvious, and its normal too

but its really wrong to have a crush on your teacher

this isnt even some stupid teen girl fantasy. im not trying to be performative at all. i dont like the fact that im struggling with this or even thinking about it in the first place. i dont have a penchant for adult male figures just because my dad was never emotionally present in my life. i disgust myself for even thinking about my own teacher in this kind of light.

being exposed to porn at a young age kinda does something to you. i never had sex, never planning on it actually. masturbating over a teen guy or any real guy in general sounds horrid to me. let alone having sex with them. cuz they can do something with that, yknow? you know they'll never find out but at the same time, you know that if they do, it'll  either make them really uncomfortable or give them a big ego stroke. it can be both.

a lot of the fictional characters i fantasize about are either really gentle, shy, quiet, timid guys whose love is genuine, or any stable, non-balding, no wrinkles, older man that can hold some sort of authority over anyone. the teacher i think about sounds a lot like the latter.

 i know its wrong, but he's in my dreams???? God, why?? I mean, as much as im guilty admitting it, those dreams are nice and, exhilarating? I guess? i look forward to sleeping because of the small chance of getting a dream with him in it.

The fantasies i have with him are getting awfully specific. Suggestive, but not sexual(?) I feel like if he were to put me in a grooming situation, i wouldn't have the power to stop him. I probably wouldn't enjoy it if it actually happens, thats why its kinda a fantasy? I prefer to keep it fictional. 

one of my most thought about fantasy is one where he owns a motorcycle. It starts with school faculty forgetting to pick me up on a stormy, rainy night after a school event took place. He stays with me to ensure the safety of all students, because i was the only one left in the place. School faculty faces bigger problems on their own half when they're at the place where students stay during overnight field trips, and they assign him to just get me back to the girls' dormitory(or whatever place females students stayed at during fieldtrips). that teacher's the type of guy who's super trusted enough where nobody would ever suspect him for anything bad.  he tells me what the school told him and tells me to hop on his motorcycle. thankfully, the place where the school event was held had shower rooms, so i smelled fresh. but smelling fresh meant i probably brought like, my bodycare products, so my bag was kinda heavy, but he made it work. well yeah, obviously in my fantasy i cant be smelling like sweat from participating in the school event. im seated in the front of the motorcycle, not in the back and holding him behind, no. im seated in the front between his legs, and he's tall enough to tower over me, placing his hands on the steering thing. its awkward as hell! but he doesn't mean to mind. i don't mind at all. also we're both wearing raincoats cuz its raining.

instead of taking me back to where the girl students stay(where my friends and female teachers are too), he takes me back to his own place. condo room even. not the cheap motel ones that have cameras and microphones, but a trusted one where families and students could live in for a few months. i don't question him. he's kinda suspicious of that, but nonetheless happy(?). when we enter, he asks if im hungry and want anything from the convenience store nearby

god i cant even finish this, enough, brain! you stupid, horny, homewrecking slut!