VENT. Stalker might've found me again.

TW: rape, pedophilia, incest , stalking, paranoia.

Yesterday I got a comment on my Tumblr asking for a commission. I was over the moon!!! I've always always ALWAYS wanted commissions and I expressed that loudly to friends over the past few years. That's important I swear. I dmed the account and we discussed what to draw and the price, the image they sent over was a very pixelated image of a dog and I started to get suspicious. (It was like 1 AM I wasn't thinking the clearest at the time ok...) The account name, however, had a name I recognized. "Melissa" . I had a friend in 2021-2024 who was my closest IRL friend for years. We had a lot of big fights but she would always end up contacting me again and I would forgive her (She would not apologize). In 2024, I found her "secret" AO3 account with just disgusting things written in there. stuff like incest, rape, pedophilia, basically anything horrible you could think of was there. I was distraught and horrified, immediately cutting ties with her. Following that, she posted again on her fucked up account detailing her fantasy of raping me after I got drunk. ( I really did get drunk at her house once). I still haven't gotten over this story she wrote. It haunts me every single day and I fear going outside and meeting people because of it. But, point is, she believes that she is the victim in this situation. That I was a horrible friend to her and "don't understand" and "never cared to understand" whatever... Since she has this vendetta against me she constantly seeks me out and stalks me. I have changed my number, my online persona, stopped going to school (she attended the same school as me), changed my name, all the works to get away. But these things don't stop her. She had her friend (who is 12 years old. I'm fully convinced she is grooming them) contact me pretending that "their friend" was being preyed on by her. They got access to my discord (I stupidly gave it to them) and hours after she pretended to "do her homework" she messaged me saying she was hurt that I would "think so low of her." She also said in that message that there was one more thing she wanted to do before she left for good. What? What else could she POSSIBLY want from me?? She got me in therapy, diagnosed with PTSD, homeschooling, fuck, she even has me scared talking to new people because it could be her playing mind games with me. It's so exhausting and terrifying. You know that name I brought up earlier? That's the 12 year old's name that my crazy ex-friend uses to get into contact with me. I had a panic attack after realizing this and blocked the account, but I can't keep doing this. How the fuck did she find my Tumblr? I put it under a completely different account name. I never made a post that could show it was me, as far as I'm aware at least? Now I have the stress brought back to me AGAIN. I'm so tired of dealing with this. How does she keep finding me? I can't do anything online without fear. I keep trying to stop being online and delete my accounts whatever, but it makes me so lonely. I can't go outside to speak to people, what if she knows them? What if she sees me? I can't make any account online that'll free me from this fear. At least here I can pretend that she's not trying to find me still. I really really REALLY hope it wasn't her. But, fuck, what am I supposed to think? I can't find any peace wherever I am. I even feel fear in my own home. She knows where I live, you know? I can't understand why she won't leave me alone. If the account wasn't linked to her and I'm stupidly overthinking, whatever, I never wanted to have to fear things like this anyways. I never wanted anything like this. I'm so so tired. I'm so so afraid. I'm worried I might not ever be free from this fear, sometimes I get paranoid about my closest friends being in contact with her. I know they aren't and it's silly to think. But the fear seeps into my every thought and action. I can't do anything without having reminders on what happened. I can never be free. I wish there was something I could do. I don't know what else I can do. I'm so afraid. I have such disgusting thoughts now. They haunt me. I can't get it out of my head. What's wrong with me? I want it to stop.