to rebuild a man: blueprints from a broken girl

it was now ritual, crawling through your open window at dusk, then dawn. you had never looked like ruin before, but now that you stand away from me it is clear you are the spitting image wrapped in flesh. 

i stepped over shards of you on my way in. i will not flinch or fight, i will just kept finding reasons to stay even as you crumble at my touch and push me away like i have rejected my past lovers.i never planned on staying around you, and that likely makes it worse. my skin is scarred from wildfires and you were the first to see all of me after the all of everything. every inch of me was prepared to walk away, but all of you called for me to stay. why?

where did that man go?

i know avoidance and that is what i am now greated with, it is a shame i owe so much karma because i truly believe in you.

you decorate your avoidance with tinsel of lies and my starry eyes will only register the twinkle—not the sparks that will soon erupt into destruction—but i have made a career out of crawling into rotten marrow and living in broken bones.

i waited for your sun to rise. it never did. i pulled the blinds back myself just to prove there was still a world outside your silence, but i will not re-enter it. not now, not ever. do you love me or do you just need a witness? do you wish you could've bitten your drunken tongue instead of telling me all that you did?

because baby, my arms are tired from carrying your past like it was my own, and every missile you launch at yourself hits me first, hits me hard. you are not the first man to need fixing, but you will be the last i offer to rebuild, it is you or no one my love and i am still so certain of it.

so i’ll ask once more—does fear truly hold you back, or do you just not want this? please answer in truth and i will not respond with anger.

but in truth, i will stay either way, so help me god i will stay. even when the window is bolted shut, lord knows i'll just fall asleep on the outside of it.