It's my birthday! [ 17/05/25 ]

Hey! So sorry for being silent for so muuuch time. I was busy with school & life overall.

It's my birthday, I turn 15! I want to talk about how things have been for me, even if literally nobody here knows me

The past few years have been horrible for me, from 2019 to 2021 I started spiralling, losing myself, and was in a pretty bad place those years and in 2022-2023. Making friends that didn't care, doing horrible things, anything for help, for attention, as a cry for help

For a while these people called me an attention seeker, were they right? kind of, they'd pretend all the thoughts in my head were fake though, they were real, everyday. Tormenting me, What this was? a combination of intrusive thoughts, mental illnesses, autism fucked up by depression. Only worsened by bad friends who'd cause chaos everyday, only jumbling my brain more and more. Admittedly, we all had issues, we were mentally ill kids attached to a discord server, I do blame them though, they'd scream " wolf " at me over and over and expected me to act like a sheep. After some events, the server was no more and we were all kind of free from it.

In 2024-2025 I decided to start distancing myself from these people for the final time, closing the era of pain & suffering that shaped me into a very weird teenager, lol. So many things happened, and I felt as if I was finally free, happy, I had met my boyfriend, distancing me from all of the people that hurt me, getting me closer to those who cared

Nowadays, I tend to cringe at the past, even if it was horrible at the time, I only cringe at it now. It was a past of betrayal and sadness and nowadays I'm doing much better. Thanks to my friends, thanks to my boyfriend ❤️

As for now? I'll associate the dark times with stupid songs I like until my brain fully deletes every memory as its trying to glue itself back together and heal, it's not as healthy as one would like it, but it decided that itself, and so I will just focus on being the happiest I can every day

This isn't the happiest blog entry, but it's my story, it's the way I am, and I will continue living as a survivor of many things, proving to the small child I was that we can be happy being ourselves

Thanks for reading. Happy birthday to myself.