.~* Personal Life updates *~.

this is kinda just a rant about things going on in my personal life so its really not worth reading lmao

Heyyy, I havent been active for a while but alot has happened in my life and i feel like i need to write it down somewhere. My cousins came down for my dads retirement party and it made me realize how similar me and my cousin are. Shes an adult and lives down in florida so i dont get to see her that often but ive always felt close to her. We were both the kid in our families that often got ignored, especially by our moms. There were a bunch of times where we would goof off and make as much noise a possible to get my moms attention but she wouldnt even look at us. SHes also just so understanding. Shes now one of the few people in my family who ive come out too and the only one to accept me. Her and her fiance, (who got engaged while they were here!) were the only people trying to make sure that some of the things i wanted to do got heard. After she left even me and my brother noted how quiet it got in the house. Ive stayed with her once before and both times when it was time for one of us to go ive felt this sinking feeling in my stomach. It feels like we were meant to be sisters in some way. We look extremely similar, so much so that a worker at a store we went to thought she was my mom. We also have the same personality. Sometimes i wish i could just move in with her in florida. Immediatly after i started having problems with my mom, i dont want to go into details but its going to be important later. My brithday just passed aswell. While she was hear i started to have some problems with my "friends". I only invited a few of my closest friends to my birthday because of alot of reasons, and thats how ive always done it. But this girl who i used to be kinda friends with last year and invited to my summer party, reached out and asked why she wasnt invited. this is because another girl asked her is she was coming (ill talk about her later). I didnt have a problem with her coming so i invited her but the next morning i wake up and see that, without asking me, she invited her girlfriend to the groupchat for it. I reached out to her and it just ended up being super exausting. So my party comes around and all these people who said they were coming tell me at the last minute that they cant make it. And the girl from earlier starts making issues about how she was going to get there. I was a little annoyed that she waited for the night before the party to tell me but whatever. So the party comes and the moment she gets there she directs all conversation to be about herself and wouldnt let anyone get a word in. i forgot to mention this but because so many people had waited till the last minute what i expected to be almost ten of my friends turned into three. so she splits off to go drive to the place with her mom even though i tried to get her to drive with us. We get to the place and she acts super weird the whole time. We kept trying to make conversation but the moment we would get somewhere she would suddenly do off with her mom at my own birthday. If it was just a hangout i wouldnt have cared but the whole point of the party was to hangout with the group and I. so she leaves the place we eat lunch at and literally without even trying to hide it she goes across the street and suprise suprise, her dad is also there. I realized she literally was just using my birthday as an excuse to go out with her family. So i got upset and we went into this music store without telling her since she didnt think to tell me that. We all spread out to look at our own music and we literally werent even talking to eachother but she comes in and sulks in a corner. i try to make conversation with her and encourage her to look around but she just blows it off. Eventually she come up to me because god forbid i go up to one of my friends to ask what shes looking at and she tells me that shes going to go home because shes "not feeling included" but she would meet us back at MY house for cake. I dont even know what to say so i just say that we were trying to talk to her but she kept running away and she left. She then texted me super passive aggresivley and i did not want her to come back to my house after that shit so i called her out and she just said some things that really hurt me. Its a long story but during the summer we started to drift apart and i tried to repair out friendship, but she basically said she didnt even like me then. It just really upset me that she waited for my birthday to do that. Also, the only reason she even kept me around was because (I believe she has a narrcism disorder) and i would let her talk and never try to get a word in. There have been so many times where ive felt completely left out around her but ive never said anything because shes moving this summer and i didnt want to end the friendship on a bad note. But for her she must not have thought about the fact that it literally was my brithday. Im just really upset right now. And because of the fact that our friend group was intertwined, ive also lost a majority of my "friends". Im just really upset bacause a similar thing happened to me back when i was in 7th grade and i feel like im dumb for falling into it again. Besides her ive been having really bad problems with my mom. Im going to stop making these rant posts after this lmao, i just dont talk aobut myself alot and no one in my real life knows or uses this sight so hopefully theyll never see it.