How I'm holding up

Everything just feels, weird. I don't think I can even be myself. I lost my dignity to someone that I.     trusted deeply, spreading rumours because YOU liked him? Are you serious??? I helped you talk to him, he doubted you and I put in a good word for you and YOU think I like him? To be brutally.     fucking honest I did, I never made a move since it was you who wanted him. I put you first and    you don't appreciate it?                                                                                                            

I can't believe you would go that low, I can't believe that I bullied the guy YOU liked because I thought he was being two-faced. I pushed him away from me even more. I just wanted someone I could talk to, someone I could trust and all YOU do is watch from a distance while I'm putting in all my effort so you could have him. "Why are you still messing with him?" because you told me to. I already hate my stupid class and my stupid classmates because most of them are purely retards who don't deserve to live. 

I'm trying my best to balance school and play but the balance is not WORKING. I barely get an OUNCE of happiness while they get to stuff their faces in-front OF THE GOD DAMN TV. I barely have any time to enjoy myself because I want to be better, I AM better. At least I can fucking try hard to pass my exams. I could've lived a happy life if you didn't yank my dignity away from me, I am nothing because of you. burn in hell